The Others
by loyalhero
Summary: Different Shinji storyline. After Gendo leaves Shinji the boy is soon kidnapped by a secret organization bent on defeating Seele/Nerv's plan to play God for a day. The story begins after his first battle and his memory of most of his past is wiped. But the organization still needs him. Hints of FMA/Deadman Wonderland but no crossover. Suck at Sums
1. Chapter 1

This will have some names and themes from full-metal alchemists but it is not really a cross over. You'll see what I mean if you read more.

The scene starts after Shinji's first battle.

I awoke with a start at a white ceiling and a throbbing head. I noticed everything was white and barren and I noticed that I was in a hospital room. I suddenly had a hatred for the colour white. At first I didn't know where it came from. I usually had no qualms about the simple colour but now I hated it. It screamed clinical, death and for some reason blood.

A fuzzy memory flashed before my eyes and I grabbed my head in pain; the headache increased to something worse. It was like the memory was trying to force itself through; force me to remember. The headache subsided and I could remember but it was nothing like my past memories. I remember a…hospital room…no, no not a hospital room but it was like one. It was white, clerical and stunk of antiseptics. There was a puddle of something red and sticky on the floor. It was so strange this memory was so fuzzy before but now it was clear as crystal. I looked over to inspect what it was and I saw my reddened reflection. I notice that something was dripping from my forehead and dropping into the red puddle. I touched my head and the pain increased I realized that the stuff dripping from my head was blood.

"Start experiment 2 with subject 250", a voice boomed through my memory and I quickly made myself shove the memory away.

I was gripping the sheets trying not to throw up from a wave of nausea. I had so much fear in my body after that moment. I don't know what that memory was referring to…I don't even know why it is in my mind but I was scared to death after remembering it.

I willed myself to calm down and try to remember the events of being in that demon…t-that monstrous machine fighting that monstrous creature. I blacked out during part of it but I can't remember anything else. Every time I tried to remember the recent past I am taken to events that I am sure did not occur.

I remember white tiled rooms, blood, smell of antiseptic and fear. I stopped thinking once my heart felt like it was going to leap from my chest. No doctors came in and I wasn't hooked up to anything important so I grabbed my clothes…cringing at my white shirt…and left.

I was told to wait in the foyer on one of the gruesomely hard plastic chairs. I tried not to think about anything. I needed a happy place but then chuckled bitterly when I remembered I did not have one. Instead I thought about nothing and the migraine decided to have some mercy and subside while I tried to rest but lo and behold my arm decided to throb, right at the shoulder. I grabbed the joint and kneaded it, trying to will the pain away with massage and warmth but the throbbing decided to travel down my arm. This arm was always weird. It sometimes felt like it was detached or something. Like it wasn't real but of course that is just me being angst probably.

A real memory flashed through of the angel breaking my arm and that provided some solace. I continued kneading through muscle and tendons and tried not to bring on another headache from wondering why the tendons and muscles feel so different from my other arm; different but yet the same.

Why is this bothering me anyway?

I'm perfectly fine. And if I wasn't who the hell would care. My own father doesn't even care about me… he just wants me for a t-tool.

I shut my eyes as I feel heat well up behind them and I force myself to not cry as I had done so many times in my childhood.

Another sharp headache came and with it a memory. I am indeed crying but this time I am still in that white room. I can still feel the heat behind my eyes…no wait there is pain there too…wait no I am crying it just hurts to cry for some reason. I hear footsteps in my right ear and I crane my neck with pain at sore muscles and I come face-to-face with a needle.

I snap out of the memory while trying to evade another headache. I wipe furiously at my eyes to make-sure there were no tears. I'm already a wuss the last thing I need is someone to see me openly crying.

I hold my head in my hands as I try to nurse the headache away but it doesn't want to go so easily. As soon as I close my eyes again I am bombarded with memory after memory of white tiled walls and blood. I always see blood. There is no other marker except white and blood. I am in this white room seeing blood but I have no idea what it all means because I was NEVER there. I almost scream in rage.

That stupid demon, monster probably made me insane. And NO ONE CARES! Recent memories flooded back.

"Because I have a use for you"

Not my father…I'm only trash to him

"You will pilot the Eva",

Not _can_ you pilot the Eva but you will pilot the Eva. Blatant, inhumane disrespect.

"Just get in the Eva",

Not one ounce of respect or care or anything.

Not my dad, not that stupid blond doctor, not the stupid captain not my…not my mom. No one…I'm stuck with these memories that are not my own, going insane and no one can care. I just can't…Arrg!

I screamed out loud and immediately ripped off my white shirt to reveal the dark blue shirt underneath. I threw my white shirt in the trashcan. I went to sit back down breathing harshly through my nose, my headache raging and my blood boiling. I was angry but…but I was never this angry before. I was never like this before. I was okay with the colour white. I was kind of okay being a wimp but now… ugh that stupid purple monster.

I paced back to the trashcan with a loud roar I screamed "Damn it all". In my rage I kicked the can and left a nice dent. I smiled at the dent since it released some of my pent up anger and some of my confusion.

"Gee, you're a lot more extroverted then what I gave you credit for hehe", I heard a nervous chuckle behind me. I whipped my head around wincing at the small pain that erupted from my head to find that purple haired Captain Katsuragi looking at me with a nervous smile and eyes that were trying not to look nervous.

I immediately got my bag, trying to hide my blush and stalked out of the hospital with Misato walking behind me. I could feel her eyes on my body…assessing me. Trying to figure out what I was, who I was.

At that moment I didn't even really know. I just concluded that I hated the colour white.


	2. Chapter 2

These first few chapters are going to be mostly character building and also some suspense building. I have to lay the ground work for what Shinji is feeling and what he is experiencing which should lead the readers to wonder what the heck is going on. All will be explained soon. But for a while you will just have to read and speculate but understand that this stuff will probably include themes from different animes without being a total cross over. The summary is still the same though. That will flow out eventually but now you have to understand the new characters.

I stared at my blue shirt finding great solace even though my scrawny pale arms were exposed. Captain Katsuragi stayed quiet as I walked next to her. Her brows were knitted together in some form of concentration. Probably thinking about my last little…action.

I-I don't even know what started that. As soon as I left those white walls the memories stopped and I felt normal again. Yep, my old normal, stupid, angst, lying self…I held back a gasp at the dark voice in my head that was my conscience. The white was gone and I felt better…until I looked at my white shoes. I hated them but at least they were not as big as my shirt and quickly looked up. It was at the right moment to because we stopped at a pink elevator. As Captain Katsuragi went to press the button the doors open to …_him_.

My blood began to boil again as his cold eyes began to glare at my own.

_He doesn't love you at all_

_He doesn't care about you_

_You don't need him_

_Maybe he can just burst into flames haha_

Little voices that I thought were from my conscience bloomed forward at the sight of my father that really were never present before. With his cold glare I focused on that last comment and tried my best burning glare. I probably looked ridiculous but…but there was something forcing me not to turn away. Before that monster I turned away but now I-I couldn't turn away.

I wanted to burn him with my pain and anger. I wanted him to feel and burn away into ashes and never bother my life again, no matter how pathetic. He glared on with his cold stare trying to freeze me.

As soon as the elevator opened they closed and I kept glaring in the insane hope the elevator he was on would spontaneously combust. Once I again realized what I was doing I almost gasped at myself and willed my head to the side in anger. I heard a sigh and remember that the Captain was right beside me.

We rode the elevator to an unknown destination. The woman next to me still silent. I thought about the glare and why I had done it. My brain was split on one side it cried for father's praise and attention. Wanting to submit to his cold glare as long as I could obtain his praise but on the other screamed malice. It screamed his head on a spike. It screamed a life that I didn't have but was the results of his actions. It screamed a life of pain that were because of his actions. A life that for certain was not real but just decided to pop up in these last few hours after leaving that purple monster. All these weird memories just popped up and I know they were never real they just happened. I'm angry at a life I did not experience. I don't understand.

We stopped and my musings stopped. We stepped into a strangely tiled room with a guy in a suit who explained my living arrangements. I was secretly screaming for joy that my father didn't want me around but then again I felt a squeeze in my heart .

"Sixth block from Nerv headquarters", the guy said with a gruff voice.

"You mean he is living alone!", screamed the purple haired women. She looked at me with strong eyes trying to get me to defy the man's request. I replied with the part of me that was still…me…I think.

"It's okay Misato, I'm alone anyway", she stared at me incredulously.

"He's staying with me", she said with strong conviction.

"_No we need to be alone", _something whispered in the back of my mind. I quickly turned around expecting something to be there. No one was there.

"_You need to be alone_", it said again whispering in my ear. I turned back as the guy began to speak.

"Captain Katsuragi, you will have to get clearance- " the man began to say

"I know I need clearance but this child cannot be alone", she said with stronger resolve.

"_Stop her, speak up, speak up, you know we need to be alone",_

"_Shut up",_ I told my conscious…if it even was that. I pinched the bridge of my nose trying to stop the voices. The adults were still talking about something but their voices were whispered out as others sprung up in their request. I felt my body instantly start to heat up as my heart began to race.

"_I want you full attention; don't get distracted by some woman" _

"Shut up", I couldn't catch my breath. I started panting trying to make my lungs to calm down.

"_No I want his attention, I talked to him first"_

"Shut up", I started getting dizzy and I closed my eyes to try to stop.

"_He doesn't even remember us. And don't tell us to shut up"_

"_She only thinks of you as a tool…not healthy for you. Not healthy for your memory"_

"I SAID SHUT UP", a voice screamed out. I heard a gasp and I realized it was my own. My eyes snapped open to a wide eyed Captain Katsuragi and the guy had his hand inside his jacket; most probably getting ready to pull out his gun.

My hand quickly flew to my mouth as the reaction started to set in. "I-I'm s-s-sorry…I wasn't talking to you…well wait I was I just…I didn't mean to say it like that…I'm sorry" the last word died to a whisper on my lips but then I decided that maybe it was best that I didn't stay with the Captain…according to my conscious. I couldn't say that I was talking to some weird voices in my head so I had to quickly change my words…hopefully they will follow and drop the outburst. Actually I don't know what those voices were connected to but to make myself feel sane I argued that they were just a part of my self-conscious that I have always pushed to the back.

"B-but I really don't want to stay with you Captain Katsuragi…I'll be fine by myself", part of me felt guilty because her face looked quite crestfallen but the other part of me…the one with the voices felt elated.

I just kept silently repeating to myself to follow my conscious…yes the voices are my conscious…I had to tell myself this because if they weren't then…that would make me insane. I'm not insane or…or maybe that monster did something to me but I'm not insane.

I'm normal. I…I am.

"Shinji…I…you can't…ugh fine", she resolved with a saddened look and gave me a weary smile. The guy in the suit still looked a little shaken but gave her my documents.

"Actually ya know I should have listened to you more Shinji", she began as we walked back to the elevator. "You said you were fine being alone and I guess I just found that kind of weird ya know", I stared back at her and gave her a small nod and a hopefully nice smile. "It's fine…I guess it is kind of weird but I kind of like it, Captain Katsuragi". Her brows creased for a second before saying "Well as long as you are happy BUT", she started and made sure to emphasis this with stern look "I am still your guardian so if you need anything DO NOT hesitate to ask, and please call me Misato", she finished with a surprisingly happy tone that was different from the beginning. I nodded again still not trusting my voice.

"_Good we don't need her anyway"_ a voice piped up.

"_Shut up"_

The drive to my new home was quiet but slightly comforting. Every once in a while Cap- Misato would chirp up and state some weird occurrence she saw or talk about the nice weather. I hummed along.

When we made it to the complex I was able to finally get a good look at my new home. It was actually kind of nice. There were a couple of families I could tell by the furniture on the decks. I wouldn't want to venture out at night but it will do.

We continued to the elevator and walked up to my new door. It already had my name on the plate. "So here is your new key, your new Nerv card and oh…you money card", Misato said cheerfully.

I was given the 3 important items but inspected the money card. She must have felt my confusion and said "Since you live alone and are of now a Nerv employee you have a stipend of $800 a month, this should account for food and any other necessities", she continued talking as I opened the door.

"If you have any type of medical emergency the number for Nerv's facilities are on the back of the card".

I walked into a nice sized kitchen. "Good I learned how to cook", I thought to myself and then a bedroom. A bare metal frame with an old looking mattress stood in the corner. A dingy night stand stood next to the bed and one bare window above the bed.

"Well with some posters and a few curtains this place will look just like home". She said cheerfully. After a moment "You sure you don't want to stay with me Shinji…I really wouldn't mind", she added. I was surprised at her concern.

I shook my head "No Misato. I'll be fine", I gave her another smile.

"Okay", she said warily but then her eyes lit up like Christmas lights.

"How about we go shopping! Oh that will be great I can help you get all situated in your new home. Oh I can't believe I forgot about that", she almost jumped for joy at the thought. She immediately began to drag me out of the house and back to her car.

I was surprised at her concern and her strong willingness to help me. I felt a warm fuzzy feeling swim up inside of me and again I smiled.

We drove to the store and I realized that she really did like to shop. We bought more than enough food. Most of which I had to intervene on because she almost bought all instant food. And of course she went shopping for herself which consisted of all instant food and cases of beers. I don't think I've known anyone who's drunk that much.

I was grateful for her feminine expertise with picking linens and items for my room. She actually made things match. I had to make sure she didn't buy anything white. I also made sure to buy some more dark coloured shirts and clothing since I was sure all I packed were white shirts. I cringed at the thought of wearing another white shirt.

An hour later we were done. And I was exhausted.

As we were checking out I felt a weird feeling on the back of my neck. The hairs started to stand up and a cold feeling ran up my spine. I turned around almost fearful of doing so while Misato read a magazine. My eyes locked with a man who was staring directly at me. He had tanned skin, an eye patch, wild hair and was in a police uniform. His eyes were a creepy shade of teal that off set his tan skin and black hair.

Suddenly the room began to get fuzzy while his form began to gain more focus. He smirked. Did he feel what he was doing to me? Was he trying to do something?

My heart began to race and matched the fluttering wings of a hummingbird. I couldn't catch my breath again…actually no air just wasn't even trying to reach my lungs. I felt my hand shacking and it almost felt like I was having a heart attack. Those headaches's came back but this time fuzzy memories came back but the strange part is that this guy was in them. His face was blurred but he was definitely there.

"_And subject 250 wins!"_

"_I have no reason to kill a child especially one that doesn't want to live"_

"_Hey don't die yet…wake up…wake up"_

"SHINJI", I was jerked out of…whatever that was by Misato's shrill voice and her firm hand on my shoulder. I had gained a lot of stares. Even the cop looked a little worried but he still had a smug look on his face. Like I know him from somewhere b-but I've never seen him before. I know I've never seen him before.

"I need your card", she began to look worried but still had a slightly impatient look. "Oh", I said with embarrassment. "Here ya go", Misato looked at me with a nod and her eyes flicked to the cop before she gave the card to the cashier.

I looked back also and he was calmly reading a magazine…as if nothing happened.

"Okay let's go", she had lost some of her perkiness as she dragged the basket.

I trudged on and ignored the hairs stand up on the back of my neck and I walked on.

We quickly got together putting items in the refrigerator and putting up decorations and linens. The apartment was already furnished with kitchenware and such.

"Well it looks like home now", she said.

"Yeah it really does. Thanks Misato!", I spoke back with real gratitude in my voice.

"You're quite welcome Shinji. Again if you need anything here is my number", she gave me a slip of paper.

"And don't be afraid to call. And don't open doors to strangers. If you need a grocery buddy just call me and-",

"Okay, okay I get it", I cut off her little rant. She looked nervous and asked "Are you sure about this kid. I really don't feel right leaving you all alone".

Again her concern surprised me. Even my old guardian wasn't this nice. "Yeah", I said "but thank you", she opened her mouth as if to say something but closed it quickly. I walked her to the door and she waved me off.

I felt a small sense of freedom as the door closed. Sure I needed to add some bleach and scrub the place down a bit but it looked really nice.

"_Yeah it does look nice"_

"_Perfect place to start to heal"_

"_No distractions and large floor area"_

"SHUT UP" I screamed.

I began muttering "It is just my conscience" to myself and almost wished the woman was back since it seemed to keep quiet around her. Maybe…maybe I could talk to someone about this…no,no they would just think I was crazy. I'm already a tool so thinking that I was crazy would be much worse.

_Buzzzzz_

I broke out of my mantra as I looked through the fridge to a buzzing noise indicating that someone was there. But who at this time of night?

I looked through the peep hole to a bright shiny…badge?

"OPEN UP, this is the police", a gruff voice called out.

I scrambled to open the door fearing the worse. I didn't know what type of worse but who wants to piss off a cop.

I swung the door open to come face to face with that cop. The one from the store.

"Well hey new neighbour", he said with a smile.

I almost screamed.


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for who ever is still reading. Still introducing characters that will have a larger impact later on. They might seem like antagonists but who knows they might end up good later so keep your mind open since some people in Nerv definitely seem like antagonists also.

The scream was lodged in my throat. The logically part of my brain or basically another voice chimed in _"Why are you screaming. He is our friend"_. I swallowed the scream as he extended his hand. I grabbed it quickly hoping to have an even quicker exit. That wish was not granted. My hand was grasped by his larger, stronger one. It was like even his muscles in his fingers were ripped. I felt really puny in my blue shirt and bared arms. His shake lingered for longer than necessary and when he finally let go I felt something…like I had lost something.

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up like they did before but I pushed my fear behind me and focused on the strange comforting feeling I was getting from this guy. I shouldn't be afraid of a friendly police officer yeah? He looked familiar but not. Maybe I saw him coming in off the tracks before Misato picked me up…no wait he would have been in the shelter by then.

"So I read on you door Ikari right. What is your first name?", He asked quite pleasantly with a small smile still planted on his face. His voice was slightly scratchy but deep. I snapped out of my reverie and chimed "O-Oh my first name is Shinji…right Shinji Ikari", I could feel a blush creeping to my face as I stumbled over the simple sentence. I just get so weird around this guy. It's like part of me wants to feel comfortable but then the other part keeps reminding me that I don't know this guy. That part of me wants to run away. And then there was that incident in the store. What the heck was that?

For a moment I thought I saw a brief frown and coldness go over his eyes but it must have been my exhaustion since it was quickly replaced with friendliness.

"Oh okay Shinji Ikari my name is Leon Munroe and of course I am a part of the Tokyo-3 Police force in the 2nd district", he introduced himself with a small bow. His name was so American sounding but he spoke perfect Japanese. But then again he really didn't look Japanese maybe he was biracial.

"So was that your mom or your sister leaving a minute ago", he said with a curious tone. "Oh no sir that was just my guardian", I sputtered. I could almost hit myself in the head. Why am I telling this guy all of my information? It's like my initial fear is slowly forming into trust…but it shouldn't. I just met this guy b-but police are trustworthy right? No,no anyone can be evil. Why do I feel safe around him?

"_Because we can trust him"_

"Shut up" I told the little voice. I just wish they would all go-

"So you are here all by yourself", he asked with a slight worried tone. I nodded "I'm fine though…So how is being a police officer", I tried to change the subject and feign interest. I didn't really want to go through the reasons for my single living.

"Oh it is great kid. Really great", he said with a little pride and his sharp eyes honed onto mine "I usually work around Block G and I'm always worried about Osprey's those things are killers, they hunt fish but they can attack if you get too close", he said with very sharp eyes.

"Block G…Osprey", I whispered to myself and just like that my world went fuzzy and black.

"_Instead of subject 250 your new name is Osprey. Don't worry we still have your old name for reference but for the sake of fighting you need a new name, I've always like birds. All of your friends will be named after a bird. I hope you like your new home it will be in Block G". I looked up to a guy with a too cheery smile on his face and I walked…no I was wheeled to a large metal door with the letter G painted on. The door looked like it held a fortress behind its walls. All metal and cold looking, slightly enshrouded by flickering lights and darkness. The letter G looked like it was made in blood. _

_I was too tired to move. My heavy head tilted down to a white jumpsuit. My hands were heavily scared with what looked like track marks from injections. The rest of my body was covered but I could tell the scars were not just on my hands. The tips of my fingers hurt. Actually my fingers, my legs, and my arms…goodness everything hurt. I heard a muted noise in front and the door began to rise. I was hit with a blinding light and …_

_I was in a ring now. "Alright our new kid, normally called subject 250, is now Osprey and today he is fighting the vicious Raven! "A news caster called out from a loud speaker shaped bird from above. I looked at my opponent who looked at me incredulously. It was a tall man with tan skin, black spiky hair and teal eyes. He was all muscles even his fingers had muscles. He said something that I couldn't understand. It sounded muffled. I brought my finger to my mouth and bit down drawing blood. When I looked back up a large scythe made from a deep crimson material was rushing towards my body. And I felt it cut through like butter. I screamed._

I jumped up and I immediately touched my chest expected a large scar splattering blood. I could hear my own screeches and pants as I tried to check for scars. I even lifted my shirt just to make sure but all I saw was pale skin. I was so frantic I did not notice the other person in the room with me until I felt large warm hands grasp mine in an attempt to calm me down. They were too strong for me to continue flailing.

"Are you okay kid? I was talking to you at one point and then the next you just blacked out", I stared at him wide eyed. He looked just like that guy in my dream b-but that guy was trying to kill me. This guy wasn't right? His eyes held worry but something else I couldn't place my finger on. Like he was trying to search through my eyes for something. Whether he saved me or not he needs to go.

He gave me a smirk and a sharp headache racked my skull. His grip was soft enough that I could wretch my hand and hold my aching head.

"Maybe I should take you to the doctor", he said. I cracked an eye open to find him looking worried with those teal eyes. "No I think you should go", his frown deepened. I hoped off the bed with my hand still nursing my head. "Please leave", I said while holding the door open.

"You sure", he began as he walked towards the door

"Yes sir. Thank you very much for helping me. I'm just tired and I need some sleep", I said with a yawn for emphasis.

He left with a chuckle and a good night.

That guy/cop was too weird. At one point he was nice and friendly. I actually felt comfortable around him and then the next I was terrified of him again. Now I'm just annoyed. Who chuckles at someone who just had a night mare and blacked out? Why was he in my dream? Ugh none of this makes sense!

I rushed to my bed, ignoring my grumbling stomach, and dove under the dark sheets. It was a PITA trying to find non-white sheets at that store and even more trying to explain to Misato why I didn't want anything white or pastel colored even if it was blue. I pulled out my SDAT player intending to tune in and drop out. I turned the music on and tried to do just that. But I couldn't. This is so strange. I couldn't stand the music at all. The earphones hurt my ears and the music did nothing to sooth me like it used to. Actually the headache got worse!

I could feel a burning behind my eyes. My music is how I escaped. I could ignore everything outside of me with it and now I can't even stand it. I have no escape! I'm changing too much after that damned Eva. And I have to pilot that thing again. I don't even know for how long. I have to be in that thing and…and what if this gets worse. I can't tell anyone or they'll think I'm going crazy and why would they care anyway. My eyes were burning with exhaustion as my headache finally began to ebb away.

I ripped out the SDAT with the earphones and just listened to the environment. The cicadas, the crickets, the wind rustling through the trees. Soft whispers began to lull me to sleep. Too low for me to understand but they were soothing. My conscious…right my conscious…the little voices that were generally annoying were now providing me comfort.

And soon I left the world to a thankfully dreamless sleep. But unfortunately it was not a quiet, dreamless sleep.

"_I want my baby", a woman screamed_

"_Where is my wife; where is my family", a young man cried_

"_I had two grandchildren and I can't find them", an older man wailed_

"_Are we dead", a young girl cried_

"_Where is my heaven", a man screamed_

"_My hopes and dreams are gone", a boy cried_

"_My soul wanes in another for eternity", another person wailed_

"_For eternity we are in him", an old woman sobbed_

_Sobs, moans, wails and crying. They were so soothing before but now they are restless. There are many more before. They have no faces but their voices are heard loud and clear. _

"_We will not be silenced! We are individuals! Combining us in some type of soup will not quiet our cries", a man cried vehemently. _

"_Wake up…Wake up", the voices fused to a familiar female's voice._

I awoke in an instant. _ "_SHINJI! SHINJI!... For heaven's sake where are you kid", I looked around and spotted a phone on the decrepit desk that for some reason I missed the other night. I felt groggy. I did not have dreams… just a bunch of moaning and crying voices.

I reached over and grabbed it. "Hello", I cringed at my morning voice "Sheesh kid. You party without me last night", I heard Misato say humorously. I ignored the jab not really feeling like playing "Well I forgot to tell you last night but you need to be at NERV at 11:00 am this morning", I gawked at the phone. _"How the heck does someone forget that"_, I thought. "Sorry about that. It's now about 9:30 am so you should have enough time…unless you partied a little too much last night", she laughed at the last part while I stuttered to find a response with my sleep addled brain. "I'm just messing with you kid. See you at 11:00. Bye-bye", I said bye and we both hung up. I rolled over and stared at the ceiling. At least it wasn't white. Instead it was off-white.

"_Don't let it happen"_

"_Never again…Don't let it happen"_

"_You are the key"_

I cringed at the whispers but as crazy as it sounded I thought maybe I should play along. They seemed to want a response. Wait no not "they" my conscious. Yes my conscious and I have conversations. People do it all the time; you are not crazy Shinji. You are not crazy.

"_Not let what happen", I asked_

"_Combination, emersion, death, and explosion" a combination of voices echoed_

"_I don't understand" I answered back_

"_You were too young", it answered_

"_Then how am I supposed to not let it happen again", I responded. _

"_Do not overestimate your humanity. Do not underestimate your humanity"_

"_You are human. That is all. Do not extend your limits but do not limit yourself. The people before over-extended their limits"_

"_Do not play God"_

"_And what did the people do before", _I was really interested in the conversation and what they were talking about.

They brought up visions of a massive red gas or liquid encasing white structures that looked like icebergs. White wings like those that demons had in the Catholic Church spread amongst the red abyss. And just like that chaos consumed the earth.

"_They played God and with that the whole world was burned for their sins"_

"_Impact…combining of souls…Adam"_

"_Do not let it happen again…do not let the lillum achieve their goal…weak, uncompassionate, inhumane lillum…God hungry lillum"_

"What the heck is a lillum", I said out loud. The whispers died down to an annoying buzz in the back of my head. "Hello?" I tried but I guess they were done. "Rude bastards", I said out loud. They start up a whole conversation in my mind and then leave me hanging.

My stomach grumbled loudly and I looked at my plastic clock and noticed that it was 10 minutes past 10:00. I hopped out of bed quickly for breakfast before I had to set foot inside that monster again.

I really hate the color white. But I hate the red LCL color even more. I feel uncomfortable as if it will swallow me whole and I forget myself. I sat in the cockpit of the Eva and stared at my blue and white suit waiting for some field training.

"Hey Dr. Akagi",

"Yes Shinji",

"Could you change the color of my plugsuit",

"What?"

"Could you change the color of my plug suit…maybe to a black and blue combination instead of black and white",

(Silence)

"I-I can check that for you Shinji…it is just a color so I do-",

"NO!" I snapped. I heard a small gasp. "I-I'm sorry Dr. Akagi I just don't feel comfortable in the color white. I-I could you just please check into it", I said in the softest and nicest voice I could muster. Pinching the bridge of my nose as embarrassment and surprise from my own actions took over.

"Fine", she sounded a little peeved. I squirmed in my chair because I did not mean to make such an outburst. I usually don't.

"Ready for the test", she piped up after a minute or so.

"Yes I am", I replied in a soft voice.

I felt the weird presence surround my brain that was the Eva trying to connect. I found this thing weird. The first time I almost freaked out. It was like an invasion of my own personal space from something that made me feel uncomfortable. And the whole thing was just creepy. I mean it seemed alive. The last thing I remember before blacking out last time was an eye. I know I saw a real eye once the armor fell off. I think it even zoned in on my form or something. Could this thing actually be something living?

I felt a heavy presence in the back of my subconscious. And then a digging like feeling. It felt really weird like this thing was trying to dig itself into my brain. I didn't like that. I don't want it to see anything but if I don't allow some entrance I will not be able to sync with it correctly. What is in this thing anyway?

I tried to relax. The quicker I can sync the quicker I can get out of this thing. I closed my eyes trying to just find solace in silence but of course my 'conscience' wouldn't allow that.

"_This thing is crying"_

"_This being is crying"_

"_Don't allow passage"_

"_She left you. She doesn't deserve passage"_

"_Ignore her cries"_

And just like that a wall rose up in my brain that I know I had no control over. The feelings from the Eva were gone. My eyes snapped open to the weird feeling and a screech over the intercom.

"SHINJI! SHINJI! What is wrong",

I didn't understand but then I felt a strong ringing…no wait it wasn't ringing…it…it was screaming. Angry screaming…war cries.

I grabbed my ears to stop but it continued. The presence was overwhelming and I could do nothing to stop the increasing pressure. It was like a large dam was placed and something was trying to push through. Something was pushing out of my brain. No wait something was pushing another something out of my brain. It was uncomfortable and painful. I could even scream or was I screaming and didn't even know it? Was it the Eva? Its presence was their before but now it is different. It's trying to gain passage but something is pushing it away.

I heard some communication from outside but not much. It was muffled by arguing and screaming from…from I don't even know what.

"_You are not allowed"_

"_What happened to him"_

"_So many died last time and you continue to cause more deaths"_

"_Why is he hurting?"_

"_He hurts because of you and your lover"_

"_He was mine first. I want him. He still is mine"_

"_You are not allowed"_

"_I need him. I made this to protect him and show him a brighter future!"_

"_You are not allowed. His soul is his own. Your future is not good for him… not good for humanity"_

"_I want my SON back!"_

I saw something flash before my eyes. She had brown hair, a heart shaped face and green eyes. She looked worried. She looked scared, she was crying and she reached out to me. Déjà vu eclipsed me and I saw the scenario before but she has never reached for me. She left me to stay stuck in this monster. I didn't want to remember this again. I want her to go away. I don't want to feel her again. I don't want to remember that day. "STOOOOOOP!" I screamed afraid of whatever she was. She looked…looked like her. I never wanted to see her again. I never wanted to see him again. I was okay with her being dead. I don't want to be a part of her anymore!

Before her ghostly hand could touch me. I lurched forward and almost fell out of the cock pit. I could feel gravity shift multiple times and it was all I could take not to throw up. It felt like I was tumbling and then a great lurch upward. And then nothing. I was stuck in darkness with nothing. I scrambled to what was the door and tried to open it. I began to frantically claw at the metal. The voices were screaming and egging on my escape seemingly afraid of the darkness and the deep red LCL liquid. Afraid of staying in any longer less something else happens. Less she comes back again. I could feel hot tears running down my cheek. I heard a retching metal sound. A muffled voice from the outside.

The door open to light and I fell through onto the white tiled floor. I reached up to Misato.

"Oh my goodness Shinji! Are you okay?" her eyes held pure worry and relief.

I nodded trying to breath to my nose to stop the churning.

She actually had tears in her eyes.

I looked up and saw the monster. It was stuck in a certain pose that was eerie for a monster. Its arms were clasped around itself and its body was hunched over. It was like it was hugging itself or…or in a state of distress and was trying to keep itself together. What an insane creature…

"So can you explain what happened", Misato nursed a hot coffee as she worked the late shift. It was well past midnight.

"I don't really know. He did so well last time", Ritsuko combed through the papers wracking her brain about what happened.

"At the beginning his ratio was 47% which is normal but then it started to drastically climb and then it shot up", she raked a hand through her hair.

"His screams are what bothered me Ritsuko", Misato confided. "He sounded like he was fighting something. I mean you heard him. He kept screaming 'stay away' and 'I don't need you'. He sounded angry…but at what? What happens when sync ratios are that high anyway" Misato stared at the ceiling.

"Well it is uncommon", Ritsuko's eyes flickered to Misato. "Before when a sync ratio was that high someone was absorbed into that exact Eva".

"Someone was absorbed", Misato stared incredulously at Ritsuko with a slight wonder as to why she has never heard the information before.

"Yeah", Ritsuko gave a rueful smile "Commander Ikari's wife and Shinji's mother: Yui Ikari".

Well that is the end of that chapter. An Osprey is a bird of prey and Block G…well you will learn of that later. **Spoiler Alert/Tip to settle confusion:** Munroe was trying to judge Shinji's reaction to the information he gave because obviously he doesn't work in Block G of anything and I doubt there are Osprey's in Japan especially since 2nd impact wiped away a lot of animals. It is connected to the flashback (or dream?) that Shinji had while blacked out. That is why he chuckled.

If you can recall he stated that he worked in District-2 (I can see the fortress of Tokyo-2 being divided into districts by the police force so that is okay for him to say). Stay tuned because everything will begin to be tied together.


	4. Chapter 4

Well this is going to be a long one. I don't think I have said this before but I don't own any form of anime or manga.

My eyes snapped open to another white ceiling but this time I forced myself to cherish the whiteness. At least I could see. Before I was in darkness and it brought up memories that I forced myself to forget and ones that I don't recall actually happening. The voices were only murmurs.

In the pitch-black darkness of that plug I-I saw eyes glaring at me. I still saw the one woman who I didn't want to remember reaching out at me. One I know happened; the other I can't recall. Where would I see eyes glaring at me! I hate remembering my mother. It makes me want her again and of course that brings nothing but heartache.

When Misato opened the hatch I swear I saw a large door amongst the blinding light. It was clear as day I saw it. It held a picture of a tree upon dark granite almost metal. It seemed to float in mid-air amongst the whiteness. I instantly felt fear like something terrible lurked behind it; something with eyes that could grab me and pull me in. But then I felt desire as if everything could be solved through that door. And just like that Misato's face broke through. For a second I thought I did not see the door but it is all that flooded my dreams as I finally rested upon the stretcher.

When I was younger I always faulted myself for not saving her. I know it sounds silly but I felt like I was supposed to protect her and I couldn't. I couldn't stop my father from sending me away. I couldn't stop my mother from dying. I was powerless. I was helpless I yearned for power. I yearned for my family. If I could fight for my mother then my father would find worth in me and he would come back. They would come back to me and we could be a family again.

I reminisced about these younger days.

"_(sniffle) I want my mommy and daddy back" I cried at my teacher who looked a little nervous while slinging my duffel bag over his shoulders. _

"_Your father will come back", he said with a shaky smile; obviously not used to seeing me cry. He gave me a tentative pat on the head. _

"_No he won't they are both gone", I said in anger and my sobs increased._

A headache started to form and an image cut through my memory and melded with the old one.

"_You must forget about your father", a man with golden hair and golden eyes spoke. "He is a coward. He is not worth being called a father. He is especially not worth you". _

"_I…am your new Father", he said with a smile "You must trust me". I stared on. Something was wrong and I did not answer. I think I was afraid of him. _

"_Your Father does not deserve you. Neither does your mother", he continued. I felt a small amount of pain on my right cheek as my lips were forced into a frown as the mentioning of my mother._

"_They both abandoned you", he said solemnly._

"_But I won't", he chuckled with his deep baritone voice "You crave power to fight and power to stand. You crave the power to live"._

_He held me in his arms "You'll be my pride and joy"._

"Pride and joy", I mumbled. Why did that ring a bell?

I rolled over in my bed wincing at the apparent injuries. I had become use to the memory intrusions. They were frequent and I began to question my real existence. My past was fuzzy. I thought it was because most of the time I had no friends. No interest and my teacher did nothing to increase my enjoyment in life. I was in a haze and thus it made sense that everything was blurry. Nothing worth remember. I didn't really care about it until now. My past memories stop at a certain point and become extremely fuzzy. I remember my father abandoning me as clear as day but some time afterwards with my teacher I cannot remember. I wonder if they are real or did I make them real…these other memories. These invasive memories became clearer every time and I can no longer tell what is real or not. A sharp pain cuts through my ribs and I painfully roll onto my back.

Ritsuko told me that while my arm and leg are not broken they are a little bruised. Not that good about my ribs though. I have 2 cracked and 1 bruised. It will take a while for those to heal. I have one fracture in my right pinky finger from beating on the door to get out. Overall, I'm not too dinged up. The rest are just bruises. I was told Ayanami was way worse off during her activation of Eva-00. Actually the only thing that is hurting is my left arm and right leg. They are absolutely throbbing. It is not even the whole appendage; just right at my middle thigh for my leg and at the joint for my arm. I know there is nothing serious but they hurt more than my ribs at the moment.

Hopefully I could be out the same day like before. Again I am not hooked up to anything and I am really missing my home. I swing my legs off the bed, cringing at the quick pain, and pull myself up. Trying to be careful of my ribs. I notice that I am naked this time. Last time they at least had the decency to put me in a hospital gown, bastards. I lean over and try to inspect my leg and I notice a faint mark that is lighter than my skin. I brush over it and it is raised. It is a scar. "When did I ever get that scar?" I mumbled to myself. Upon further inspection I found another and another and soon I found large scars littering not just my one appendage but my whole body. I gasped at one scar. It cut across my chest. It was reminiscent of where the scar would have been had that one memory played out. The one where the guy who looked exactly like Officer Munroe would have cut me. I began to shake. W-was it real? I stopped the impending panic attack with a more fervent search for more scars.

The only body without a scar was my left arm and right leg. The scars were quite faint. Only a slight discoloration in comparison to the rest of my skin. The one at my joint was large though. It spanned across almost towards my neck. I wonder if any of the other doctors noticed them. I think Dr. Akagi only deals with problems during a battle so I am left up to the other Nerv staff.

I racked my brain trying to bring up a memory that would explain at least some of the scars and I came up with nothing just bits and pieces and some were forced memory. I could only recall the memory of the Munroe look-alike slashing my chest. The rest were fragments of white coated people with needles and surgery devices. I know I was fishing for straws. I believe I am slowly coming to terms that maybe something happened during my childhood that I don't remember. I can't remember.

The memories I have are too invasive and too clear. The voices, though a sign of insanity, are becoming strangely comforting over these last few days. I raised my head and stared at the sunlight shining through. It was warm and brought a small smile to my face as another memory passed through.

"_I've always liked bluejays. I've always like the color blue and they have the best morning songs", a man with golden hair and golden eyes said with a very warm smile. I was eating pancakes and eggs. A glass of orange juice sat half full next to me. I turned and looked out the window at the small blue bird picking berries off of a bush. It was joined soon by another._

"_I don't like birds", I said with malice that should not have been matched by my child-like voice. He looked over at me with a disturbed curiosity._

"_They always fly away and leave. All birds fly away and leave", I said still looking at the ever growing mass of bluejays feasting upon the bush. _

_I heard a deep chuckle and I felt a warm hand placed atop of my head "Not every bird leaves. Not every person leaves. Like birds…like all animals…like all humans…we have family and friends. I know for one thing that I will never leave you". I turned by eyes away from the birds and looked into his sincere eyes. There I knew I was loved._

Before I could stop them I felt warm tears travel down my cheeks. My smile crumbling as my heart ached for…I don't even know who for…I know it had something to do with that person but I couldn't remember their name. I had these memories but I couldn't remember when they happened. I couldn't remember the names or the places. I just had them.

The voices were eerily quiet. For the past few days they have been talking non-stop. Giving me cryptic responses and otherwise annoying me with their cries. Every time I come out of that Eva something weird happens.

What was that conversation the voices were having with the Eva? Why were they fighting? Were they fighting over me? But why? I remember the pressure upon my skull as something was trying to push through but I also remember her. I was so young when she disappeared but I think I remember her voice well. A voice I have tried so hard to forget.

My smile was gone, crumbling to a deep frown as hot tears raced down my face in the warm sun.

(Knock, Knock, Knock)

I half turned my head and the sudden intrusion that I did not feel nor hear arising. I quickly covered part of my naked body with the sheet. I kept my body turned towards the window fearing that the intruder would see my tears. I quickly began to wipe away the wet trails as I answered.

"Hello", I cringed at the gruffness in my voice.

"Shinji", it was Dr. Akagi. Goosebumps arose on my skin at my name. It sounded foreign on her lips. I heard the click of her heels as she walked into the room. "How are you feeling", she said with some amount of concern.

"I'm fine. A little sore but fine", I answered turning my head away from the only path she could take to reach my vision.

"A little sore is to be expected", I heard a shuffling before she spoke again "You were still a little out of it once I spoke with you before but I wanted to reiterate that 2 of your ribs are cracked and 1 rib is bruised. It could have been a lot worse of course. Your left arm and right leg show significant bruising but your other arm and leg look fine. The x-ray for your left arm and right leg are all clear though", I heard clicks of her heals and a hand touch my left shoulder. My arm twitched but I was able to stay still. I wish she would have told me she was going to touch me.

"These are new…I did not see these during your physical", she spoke with a slight edge to her tone.

"Yeah they are pretty old", my head still turned away "I usually miss them too", I told her. Expecting for her to fully buy the claim since I knew my psychological or even physical welfare was none of her concern. If they could let a half dead girl who is about to bleed to death pilot a monster against another monster their compassion (if they had any left) would not expand to me.

"Hmmm…" she said quietly and I heard pen meeting paper. Her hands were cold and unwanted.

"Your vitals are well and they stayed well during the night. You can leave today if you want unless you are in a large amount of pain which would require you to stay for more observations".

I made snort. "I wouldn't stay in this place even if you paid me too", I thought to myself.

"Right…well…if you are really okay to leave then I will give you your pain medication. It is just a small dose of codeine to help. You will have to be careful with your ribs to make sure they are not injured further. Unfortunately, there is a large susceptibility of acquiring a pulmonary bacterial infection if the lungs are compressed within a brace or wrapped with gauze so we can do nothing but monitor", she ended. I heard a small tap which I supposed indicated the placement of the codeine.

"Though there wasn't really any damage done to the Eva we are going to wait until your ribs have sufficiently healed until the next test can commence. Get better soon Shinji", she said before leaving. I heard the small whoosh of the door closing and once again I was left alone.

"Bitch", I said out loud. I don't know what it is about her but I really don't like her at all. She just gives off a vibe similar…similar to my fa-Commander Ikari…an uncaring, cold and calculating vibe. A vibe that said she would gladly use without any sense of humanity so I can pilot that demon against those other monsters. Why the hell were they called Angels anyway? Anything that just falls from the sky is not called an Angel!

I look over at the chair and once again a plastic bag is resting with fresh clothes sealed inside. I made sure to take at least one pill.

"I'm home", I said to myself and no one in particular as I entered my small apartment. I was told Misato was busy and that she ordered Section-2 to drive me home. They seemed slightly mindless and of course untrustworthy. As if they would perform any order despite the relationship. I hate I have to trust my life in their hands but they only seem to do as ordered. I know they could blow my brains out in an instant but they seemed harmless for now.

I was actually slightly saddened that Misato could not see me. She was one of the few people I felt cared a little about my wellbeing. I heard a soft knock before I could lock my door. I cracked it back open to see Officer Munroe at the door.

"Hello Officer Munroe", I said. Whatever residuals of panic I felt before were washed away with extreme comfort and slight admiration. He acted like he cared a little.

"Shinji!" He said and then placed a hand on my shoulder. It was warming at least…different from Dr. Akagi's frozen touch.

"I was worried about you", he said with true sincerity. His eyes widened after his phrase. I was thrown off guard by his claim also.

"Why", was my simple response. There was no way of him knowing about my test with Eva-01.

"W-well…y-you k-know", he stuttered and his hand jerked from my shoulder to rake through his hair. I began to get suspicious. He didn't seem to be the type to stutter about anything.

"You are the new Eva pilot aren't you", he finally was able to get out. My eyes widened. I was wonder how many other people know about my status. Should I confirm his decisions?

"Yeah I thought that lady leaving had a Nerv emblem on her coat or something and there's no other reason for her to have that", he recomposed himself before fitting me with a friendly but challenging stare.

My mouth was agape. I wanted to confirm but I didn't know if it was safe. He seems to watch me quite closely and I don't know if that is good or bad. It didn't fully explain why he would be worried though. Does Nerv share my information with the police? They don't seem like the-

"_Come on. You can trust him. You were friends for heaven's sake"_

"Yes", I blurted out after that one solidary voice erupted. I hadn't really heard them all day. They were actually calm all day. I was curious to the phrase "we were friends". I was sure I had never met the guy before but a memory cropped up of his face with a scythe careening towards my frame. I doubt that was a friend.

"There see I knew it", he said tapping his forehead as if he was a psychic or something. "You look like you just got out of a rough patch anyway". I laughed sheepishly ignoring the sudden throbbing in my left arm. Suddenly my stomach decided to grumble.

"Hey", he said with a snap of his fingers. "I just put dinner on, how about I show you my thanks, huh?" a large smile stretched across his face. Before I could protest his arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me into the hallway. My grasp on the door knob officially closed me off from my new home. "W-well O-Officer that is not nece-" I began but was quickly cut off.

"I made a slew of things I know you will like", he began walking and partially dragging me to his apartment. I winced as my ribs cried in protest to the rough handling. He seemed to notice and gave an apologetic smile as his hand was transferred to my hand. He continued pulling my right hand. Again I couldn't help but notice his physique. He was out of his police uniform and just in a dark short sleeve shirt. His arms were…well they were very muscular. He was very muscular but also lanky. There were multiple long scars along the upper side of his forearm. His skin color stood out the most. He was so dark compared to my pale skin. It was like he just stayed out in the sun all day. My eyes travelled up along his equally muscular neck and then to his eye patch. Nausea began to over whelm me as I continued to look at the long black fabric cover his eye. A slight panic rushed up my spine. I closed my eyes as flashes of a place I think shouldn't be in my mind came forward. I didn't want a memory if it was going to be about anything with his eye. I began to break out in a sweat.

"Well we're here", he said and opened his door "Wasn't it even locked", I thought to myself. Well I guess being a muscular police officer makes your fear of being robbed go down a little. He finally let go of my hand as he closed the door and locked it.

I walked into his apartment and I was immediately hit with delicious aromas and beautiful colors. All were familiar but I haven't seen them before right? His apartment was of course larger than mine. His kitchen had almost all back appliances with some steel. The wood was a dark stain and the floors were a grey marble color. I loved it. I was comfortable and all of my previous fears were dashed away again. The nausea and the pain in my leg and arm forgotten.

"Have a seat", he directed me to a darkly stained dining room set. I don't know why but I was very happy and comfortable in his presence suddenly. The voices were comfortable. I think when they feel agitated then it resonates to me and when they feel comfortable then I feel comfortable.

He walked back to the kitchen humming a tune that was slightly familiar.

"So what's it like", he began while cutting up some vegetables for whatever he was cooking "You know piloting that thing".

I frowned "I don't like it really", I began. He simply kept chopping. "It requires some weird psychological things like I have to connect with it to make it walk and it can be disturbing. I can also feel its pain. When the angel hurts the Eva it is like it is hurting me too".

"Oh that must be horrible…I can only imagine. I wonder how psychologically damaging it is like in terms of nerve damage", he starting chopping another vegetable "But it's worth it right…saving humanity and all", he chuckled at the last statement but there was no smile upon his lips

"Of course it is worth it but…I wonder if that is the plan", I had to talk to someone about my worries and I had often thought about the subject since the voices began. Usually in the morning they talk frequently about how they want me to stop something from before. Stop the impact.

"Hm?" His eyes flicker to my form. "I just have a weird feeling or a hutch that…I mean sure they want to save humanity and all but… I don't know, it feels like they want to do more…" I couldn't really voice my opinion because I didn't really know what I was talking about since technically I was going off of what a bunch of voices in my head were saying, O.o.

"I guess it would be hard not to play God with all that power and the problem with that level of arrogance is that it can be easy to forget your own humanity. A good gesture can easily be corroded by those who seek perfection…who want to play God", he spoke with a solemn but convincing voice. I gasped at such a statement as a memory was forced through:

"_Humans who would dare to play God must pay a steep price for their arrogance"_

I was broken out of such a thought. He placed glass of cold water before me. I was immediately grateful as I could feel the beginnings of a cold sweat break out from the intruding memory. The voice was so familiar. I gulped down the cooling liquid after thanking him.

He was at the stove stirring something. "I guess that could be the problem that I am feeling" in a weird way he had settled that tiny part of my confusion but with it came more. "Then what is an Evangelion exactly… a tool to play God…is it really a tool to save humanity".

"I have no idea what that thing is but it does look pretty cool. Despite its real meaning it is still saving humanity right? ", he chuckled. I immediately placed my hand over my mouth in embarrassment. "I'm sorry I did not know I was talking out loud", I replied sheepishly.

"I guess it could be more than just a tool for humanity since…well I've always wondered what they would do with the things once the angels left", I was once again startled, ignoring my apology. I have never really thought about such a thing. What would happen to me once the war is over? What would happen to Misato or Ritsuko or…or my father? All of their work was for this one event what then? And who controls Nerv anyway…they must get funding from somewhere…I know they are not a private industry.

"Well time to eat", he interrupted my musings with a steaming plate. I could feel my mouth water at the smells. I looked at my meal and was slightly confused. It was nothing Japanese about this food but I remembered it. The fuzzy memory of eating the same thing from the past blurred forward. "Mashed potatoes with gravy, steak and vegetables", I thought to myself. I looked up at Leon who had already filled another glass of water and was beginning to sit at the other end of the table with his own meal.

He gave me a warm smile before lifting up his glass of water "To the pilot who, forgetting about his own welfare, is saving humanity", I stalled for a moment at the sudden toast before slowly picking up my glass "It's nothing really…but thanks", I finished. He frowned slightly before taking a sip and plucking up a portion of his mashed potatoes. I realized that I had probably been staring for too long and that not eating would definitely be considered rude despite whatever culture. I too took a sip and plucked the mashed substance off the plate. The minute it hit my mouth I wanted more. The food was comforting and it was frazzled with blurry memories of eating the dinner before with happy voices. I was happy for the comfort.

"Geez kid there is more, you don't have to eat so fast", I heard a chuckle. The fork was mid-way to my mouth before I noticed that I was devouring the food like a starved madman. I remembered that I didn't really eat the food at the hospital nor did I eat dinner the previous night. I think I've only had breakfast so far. Not a good start to a new life.

"So I think the Commander of Nerv's last name is Ikari right. Are you guys related?" I cringed at the question but continued "Yeah that guy is my father" I replied with an uneasy tone.

"Well that must be weird…sending your son out to fight a monster. If it is true that few children are chosen to pilot the Eva then I guess it can't be helped. He must be worried though", he said. I could almost draw blood from my right hand because it was clenched so tightly. "You are wrong", I began with clenched teeth "He doesn't care about me. He only sees me as a tool to fight against those monsters. He abandoned me as a child and left me". I heard silence…realizing that my sudden anger not only surprised me but probably him too I quickly looked up expecting another surprised face. But instead he stopped eating and was looking out his balcony window. The moon was beginning to rise as the sky was littered with dark blue chasing pink and purple colors away.

"I didn't have a good relationship with my old man either", he began "I've often wondered though if it was because of malice or inability", he then added. I had begun to eat my steak to feign normality for a moment but as always his comments stopped me. I know I had a confused look on my face.

"I have met many humans who just don't act human. Either they do inhumane things or they simply don't socialize well. It is like part of them just can't be human because of their past life…as if their trauma was so great that it has distorted their view of humanity. So I wonder if my father acted the way he did because he really didn't care about me or if he just didn't know how to be a father and didn't try", his sharp eyes turned to me "Not everyone has the capability of being a father. Everyone definitely has the capacity to have children but to be a parent is different. That often requires stability and great strength, Shinji".

I could only stare back. I had never thought of such an occurrence. Was that the reason? I began to wonder and continue to chew my food. My father just could not be a father, at least, without my mother beside him. I can't really remember how he acted after my mom disappeared but I do remember a lot of sadness.

We ate in relative silence the rest of the meal. I was so deep in thought at all the revelations that this one meeting had created. "So ready for desert", he stated with exuberant eyes. I nodded fervently trying to convey my gratitude. He took my plate which was pretty much bare and placed both mine and his in the sink. He stood in the kitchen fixing the desert.

"Hey Officer Munroe, wh-"

"Hey call me Leon",

"Okay…Leon…where are you from?"

"Oh I was born in Osaka, and then I moved to the states for a while, then came back to Tokyo-3", He said simply.

"Have you ever been out of Japan, Shinji",

"No…I've always been around in Japan", I stating slightly embarrassed at my boring life.

"Really?" he probed with deep curiosity in his voice.

"Yes?" I said with a questioning remark. I-I'm sure I've always been here.

"_No you haven't" _a voice piped up.

"_Yes I have"_ I retorted angry at the sudden intrusion.

"I was actually kind of afraid of returning to Japan. People became so crazy after the 2nd impact and then that nuke went off. For one there was this prison system. It was really big a few years after the 2nd impact. It was big in Russia. Actually it started immediately after the impact. In an effort to both crackdown on criminals to lessen the large amounts of crime happening around the world and also to create some type of entertainment for the masses a private prison was created. The prison monopolized and drew financial success from the populations increasingly decrease in humanity. The place was touted as a Wonderland to the public. It had games, rides and even a Ferris wheel. The public ate it up for a while but it held something sinister".

I gasped and a cold sweat began to break out as he continued. "The people unfortunate enough to be put into the prison lost all rights basically. They had to fight for their lives every day. And the world just watched since the promoters of the prison frequently equated the prisoners as less than human so why care if they were tortured or experimented on. The age didn't even matter. The children were the worst off. They were usually experimented on".

His eyes were casted in a dark shadow as he gave me my plate. On it was a fresh blueberry pie with vanilla ice cream. I was rooted to the spot staring at the pie while my mind wandered.

"_You have been charged for 1__st__ degree murder young man. You do not deserve to live freely upon the streets"_

"_You're going to be subject 250 until you're fighting name is given"_

"_Your new home will be Block G"_

"_You just changed from a murderous human being to a murderous freak"_

"_You have a strong drive to live…strong pride…do you have any last requests"_

"It was disbanded roughly three years after it began. There was a massive prison break that finally brought the truth to light. Anyway I was afraid if the theme has spread elsewhere and even with the truth out it was still around. Even after the major disbandment there were still remnants such as prison experimentation and the like", he sat in his chair effectively breaking my thoughts. I was relieved at the intrusion I was tired of breaking out into cold sweats. These memories were becoming more and more disturbing.

"Well enough of that sad stuff", he chuckled "So that woman leaving your apartment was your guardian huh?" he asked taking a chunk out of his pie. I nodded and then broke a small piece of pie slathered with ice cream. "My father is not my guardian so the Captain took his place", I answered before biting into the pie. Nostalgia arose of eating the same desert before…it warmed the coldness and slight fear that had settled.

"Her clothing is a little… risqué but she seems nice", he added. I chuckled at his comment "Yeah she leaves little for the imagination but she is nice". The conversation ended on a happier, sweet tone.

"Well I hope I have showed my gratitude", he began. That comment, the dark night sky, and my tired eyes were my signals that I needed to return home.

"Oh no… I should be thanking you. The meal was delicious", I responded as he walked me to the door. Actually he began walking me back to my room. "Not a problem Shinji. I'm glad you enjoyed it". He placed another warm hand on my shoulder as we walked.

"Shinji!" a familiar voice jutted out amongst the congratulatory conversation. My eyes snapped to an angry/ surprised Misato. "I have been calling you forever. I was just about to call Section-2 to go looking for you. Where have you been?"

I could barely get out a response. I wasn't used to seeing her so angry. "He was with me. I'm sorry I wanted to show my thanks-"His talk was interrupted as I was grabbed and yanked away from his presence. Misato gave the man a hard glare before returning it to me. "You didn't even lock you door. I thought someone had really hurt you", she looked so angry and hurt.

"I promise I would never let anything happen to child", Leon piped up. Her gaze turned back to him "I'm sure sir-"

"Actually officer… Officer Munroe", he replied with a curt nod.

She nodded back and pushed me into the apartment. I barely heard his response. "See ya later kid. If you need anything just ask". The door shut soon after. "Yeah right", Misato said sarcastically.

A strange feeling came over me at the gesture. It had been building up after the past few days ever since…well ever since meeting my father. It was this feeling of being helpless. A feeling that I had minutely experienced my whole life but peaked after my father abandoned me and again presently. It was like I couldn't do anything. The feeling made me so angry. Leon was just trying to be nice. A memory flashed. It was a circle and nestled within the circle was a pentagram and nestled within the pentagram was a triangle. There were words traced around the circle. With the image came a surge of power but also sadness. The sadness was necessary.

I had a really strong urge to draw.

Well that is finally done! Whew, that was a long one. Hope you guys are happy so far. Next time you will get a little more action. I hope I'm not going to slow with the story. I just like building some type of suspense before I dip right into the action. I also hope I am building up my characters well. Please give me a review of you thoughts!


	5. Chapter 5

Misato pinched the bridge of her nose. "You were gone for almost two and a half hours Shinji", she began with contained anger. "You didn't call. I called you so many times before just coming over here Shinji! I had called Section-2 and they stated you were dropped off and secure. I…" I was stuck staring at the wall right beside her head. She tapped her foot as she tried to suppress her anger. The helpless emotions that were almost a part of me were starting to make me nauseous. The voices were eerily quiet. I started to become really angry at the emotions. They were developing so quickly almost on par with how the helpless feeling was rising. I felt powerless. I was being chewed out by an adult who does not care about me…it felt like déjà vu. And I really wanted to draw that image. I couldn't though. She stood in my way.

"And who was that guy. Look at me when I'm talking with you kid", her arms were crossed. My eyes flickered towards her. I felt so much anger for this person at this moment. She acted like she cared before but really she doesn't. "I remember him from before", she closed her eyes in thought "the cop from before who was looking at you at the store. Do you know who he is?" she asked. She waited for an answer but anger clogged my throat.

I brought my fist to my mouth to quell the slight tremor in my hand. I bit down on my index finger and I lowered my head to shield my eyes. I just felt so angry…no wait…I was enraged. I was furious. How dare she talk to me like this!

"He looks dangerous. I don't care if he is a cop or not…his eyes, his skin. He looks like bad news and here you are just hanging out with. What does a grown man, a grown muscular man want with a 14 year old boy anyway? Do you really think he just wants to show is gratitude? Think Shinji! I want YOU to report to me every night. I want a check-in every morning and when you get home from school. And if you miss or pull another stunt like tonight I will forcibly require your stay in my care got that kid. Remember you are a part of Nerv now".

My teeth broke the skin. I felt a coppery fluid flood my mouth. My arm and leg were throbbing. He…he's my friend. He was the only one who has shown actual care for me so far. He was actually happy that I piloted the Eva but still concern about my welfare. He even talked to me about my father. I…how…how dare she! How dare she raise her voice when she knows she cares nothing about me? She's just like Ritsuko, just like my father…just like….just like…

_A woman with glasses and red hair was pulling straps. There was a tight pressure upon my arms and cold metal on the underside of my body. She looked so happy. _

_A group of people with surgery equipment hovered over my form. Their masked, expressionless faces provided nothing but fear. _

"_You're actually quite special ya know…your Sin allows us to experiment on you for as long as we want and you will rejuvenate without any problems. We'll make you even better", a man giggled. _

My eyes rose to her retreating form. Her face still contorted in anger from what could be seen of the mirror on the door. Everything was turned into a fuzzy haze. I heard the door close and just like that I fell asleep.

* * *

"_Wake up"_

"_Wake up"_

"_Please Wake-up"_

"_I don't like the darkness"_

"_We don't like the darkness"_

"_Child, regain your conscious"_

"_It is not worth losing yourself to a monster"_

I awoke with a headache. I looked around expecting to be in my bed but instead I was…standing up. I don't know for how long. My legs were shacking and hurt a little from exhaustion. The kitchen light was still on. I shook my head trying to figure out what had happened before I went to sleep.

My eyes focused on my door and I lost my balance.

The door had large claws marks on it. There were many and stretched across the whole expanse of the door. But it did not stop there. My kitchen was a wreck full of these weird marks. The wood was laden with marks spanning from soft abrasions to full deep indentions. The few dishes in the sink were cut into ribbons. I craned my head to the bedroom and even there the damage, though not extensive, was still present. My pillow was a wreck of white feathers. My comforter had a large rip down the middle. The problem that bothered me the most was specks of blood smeared all over the place. It was either inside the marks or slightly outside in a localized spot.

I couldn't even formulate words. Fear immediately set in as I tried to wrack my brain to find the answers.

"Okay", I began out loud.

"Misato was angry with me…she was ranting".

"I remember being angry but…but what happened afterward"

"S-she left and…and what happened…I-I thought I went to sleep"

I sat on the floor trying to stop my shaking from the apparent fear. I grabbed my head again. My door was not open so she must have left. I felt something warm and sticky on my face. I moved my hand away and noticed that it was covered in blood. I could feel it drying on my face. I began to notice that the rest of my body was fine. There were no scratches on my body like there should have been if a…shrapnel tornado thing just ripped through my room.

A memory flooded through.

_Misato was walking away towards the door and a one large, no many large crescents that were a deep shade of red went careening towards her frame. They sliced through her coat like butter. One half decapitated her neck-_

"No!" I forced myself to push the memory away_. _"No..no..no that did not happen…I know that did not happen", I told myself over and over again. I think that memory by far was the most disturbing. If that really happened she would be dead right in front of me.

I arose on shaky legs and walked towards the door. The top part of the mirror that was still attached but was cracked with spider webs. I opened the door and made sure that no one was outside. I don't know why but I had this weird feeling about what if she tried to crawl outside to get away. But the rational side kicked in and remembered again that there would be more blood and as of then there was no blood around. That didn't happen. If it did then why would I still be standing? I tried to ignore the fact that the crescent shaped…whatever those things were would have come from the exact spot where I was rooted. I was angry with her but I would…would never do such a thing to another person.

I closed the door and laid my head against the cold mirror. I turned towards the phone lying on my desk. I had to try one more thing. I dialed Misato's number. I only got her answering machine but I left a small message "I'm here" and then hung up. I didn't want to tell her anything and I pushed back the probability that something else could have happened to her. It was like there was this weird force that just screamed distrust about all of Nerv. I didn't want them in my life anymore then it needed to be. But that didn't solve the fact that my room was in shambles, I didn't know who the perpetrator was and I'm fine. Out of all this chaos nothing is wrong with me. I am perfectly fine.

I pushed down the option that maybe something happended to me. I might be crazy but I didn't have any special powers. "Maybe I should report this to the cop", I mumbled to myself. But what was I going to tell him "Well ya know I went to sleep and then awoke a little while later and a tornado hit my room but I'm perfectly fine".

Yep that would go over well with him.

It didn't even go over well with me. None of that makes sense. I exhaled trying to figure out what to do when my eyes lay on my intruder. The mirror. The broken mirror held my intruder.

It…it…it looked like me but no…no it wasn't me. The doppelganger held empty, darker blue eyes. I couldn't make out an iris. The smile upon its face definitely did not belong to a sane person. It was covered in blood. The smile began to fade as the arm began to slip off its body. Literally the arm began to disconnect leaving connections btw muscles then to the sinewy veins until it literally fell off. The eyes changed from pupil-less insanity to pain and recognition. The smile was a deep frown.

I felt my legs give out. My legs already weak and shaking could do nothing to help my weight. I felt my stomach lurch forward and I scrambled towards the bathroom. I emptied all of my contents from tonight. I couldn't stop the dry heaves. I could get the image out of my head. What the fuck was that!? Why did I think of that? The visions, memories whatever the fuck they were…they were never like that. This was never like that.

I arose from the toilet and my body craved the cold water. I ran the faucet and waited to hopefully get the most freezing temperature this apartment could give me and I practically dunk my head under the running water.

"That wasn't a memory", I mumbled to myself. That was just a nightmare. Yes, a nightmare. It was still lingering from my sleep. My sleep standing up…I-I'm so fucked and the worst part is that there is not one I can talk to.

I felt hot tears leak from worn eyes. I couldn't tell anyone about this. I would be put into an asylum. My father did not come looking for me when I was a child so I know he would leave me there. I had to keep piloting that monster. I had to because then at least maybe the voices would go away. They tell me to pilot, they tell me that I have to pilot so maybe once I'm done all of this will go away. No more Nerv, no more crazy thoughts and memories just back to my old bland life. I told myself while ignoring the rising fear that my talk was all in vain. I grabbed my eyes and breathed deeply to increase my calm. It is just a mirror. I will look into the mirror and just see myself…I dropped my hands…

I did not see myself. One hand shot through the mirror and grasped my throat. The eyes teetered btw pupils, consumed fear and anger.

"_I'm tired of waiting" _It began. The voice was a combination of my own. One that held my voice with a severe hoarseness and the other was deep and rageful.

"_I protected you and this is how you repay me. By forgetting about me! I am YOU! I will NOT be ignored. I am not some imaginary person I am a part of you. YOU created me. I want to be remembered. I want to be a part of you again"_

The hand tightened around my neck. Blood was dripping freely from its face and dropped onto the ivory sink below.

"_We have a mission that WE did not finish. We have a mission to end the arrogant and prideful beings that plague this earth while also protecting those who we cherish"_

"_I'm not waiting any longer. The more you try to ignore me. The more I will push myself through. I will not become weak again. I will not be differentiated again. I will be you. I will become you. Our blood is too special to be ignored it is too powerful to be ignored. In our blood lies our Sin and in that Sin we have power. Power that the lillum will never obtain"_

The being bellowed and ever tightened its hand around my neck. I tried desperately to claw its hand away but it was a hot vice.

"_Remember",_ it finally said before a circle began to be drawn on the mirror. The circle held a pentagram and within the pentagram held a star. I remember it was the same as the image that popped up before Misato started her rant.

My vision began to get blurry as oxygen was slowly cut off. The hand slowly left my neck but I was already too oxygen deprived to keep consciousness. I floated to the ground with my last thought being the phrase….

…._alchemy is a Sin._

* * *

"_Who are you?"_

"_I am you"_

"_Who are they?"_

"_Not you"_

"_But they are in me"_

"_Their souls are in you. They are not you"_

"_Why are they in me?"_

"_Tried to gain the world lose his soul. They have merely lost their bodies"_

"_You didn't answer my question. Why are they in me?"_

"_If you can remember me I can tell you more. If you can accept me I can tell you more"_

"_You tried to choke me. Why would I accept you more?!"_

"_I cannot kill you for I am you"_

"_Didn't really seem to feel that way"_

"_I am your power when you feel powerless. I am your resolve when you are confused. I am your hope when you feel hopeless. I am your anger when you feel powerless. I am you and you are me. You created me"_

"_I-I can't create things. I can't create something from myself…that makes no sense"_

"_From your pain I arose and I protected us until you were ready to accept me"_

"_Wait how can I not accept you when you are already me"_

"_I can say no more…maybe they can help"_

_And the cries from a million mouths that screamed sorrow and defeat arose._

"How can they help me", I mumbled to myself. My head felt like it was hit with a steel bat. It was throbbing and deep. It cut through from the back of my head to the front and swelled around my eyes. I remember I fell on the floor but I was warm. Actually I was on something soft and it was very warm. I forced my eyes to open slowly. It was blurry but I noticed that the room was well lit by sunlight. I groaned as a sharp headache forced through from the sudden intrusion of blurry light.

"Well you finally woke up. I was afraid I would have to call an ambulance or somethin' "

I definitely remember being alone so I forced my body to face the intruder. I immediately regretted the idea because the sun caused a massive headache and I was forced to shield my eyes. I heard a movement of material and a snap before the harsh light disappeared.

I was finally able to open my eyes fully and try to focus my vision.

"You really need to start locking your door kid", it was Leon who was talking and sat on the scarred chair. He looked calm with crossed arms and a cool expression on his face. I immediately looked down and noticed that the warm, soft feeling was from my tattered bed.

I had hoped that maybe the occurrences from the night before were just a bad nightmare but I was wrong. My hand raced to my throat but it did not feel sore or swollen like I thought it should have been with that…whatever the fuck that thing was…wait if I don't have any evidence for the problem then maybe it didn't-

"_Think again"_

Okay maybe not. I'll deal with that later. But why is this guy so normal. It looks like a serial killer went crazy on something in this room and here he is just as cool as a cucumber. He's not even in his uniform just in a dark green shirt with rolled up sleeves and dark wash kakis.

I gawked at him. He was the statue of calmness as he looked around and focused on certain marks before settling his eyes back on me. Has he seen this before?

"Is…is this something you've seen before", I asked with a shaky voice. He did not answer me; instead he cocked an eyebrow. I didn't understand what that meant.

"Do you remember anything", he ignored my first question. His eye was sharp. I had only seen this once before. I shook my head. "I fell asleep and woke up to this and then I…I…I tripped in the bathroom". My voice was barely above a whisper. Everything especially the last part would definitely sound like a lie.

"Yeah I found you on the floor. Your hand had a bad cut", I looked down and noticed that my hand was nicely bandaged.

He still held his sharp gaze. "This", I gestured with a quick scan of my eyes "Does not bother you at all…how does this not bother you…why are you not concerned or panicky or anything", I asked feeling like I was going insane. Too many cryptic responses, too many strange occurrences and let's not forget the voices that are trying to 'help' me. I'm still too weak to decipher what happened last night.

He let out a frustrated sigh and turned his chair around so that he was facing me directly. He left little room for me to go anywhere. Even to put my feet on the floor. I was caged on the bed. "You really can't remember anything?" he stated while looking sad, frustrated and intense. I shook my head not understanding.

"Carnival Corpse, Deadmen, worm eaters, Scar chain, Undertakers" he began to simply call out words and I didn't know what they were but of course each word brought up an image. A gigantic arena, blood shifting into anything, a large man dressed like a monk with a guitar, a gang of…of friends. I felt another headache as the memories pushed through. He began with a slow speed but gained momentum with almost a frustrated hint to it.

"Come on kid they are in their somewhere: sin, Osprey, Hummingbird, Mockingbird, Game fowl, Owl, candy", the memories were flying through and I could barely remember my name if he asked. It was like they were overriding everything that I had known. That I had thought I had known. Were they even real? I felt the backs of my eyeballs heat up. I felt nauseated again. I…who was I?!

"Stop it", I mumbled through a sob. I barely had enough power to formulate a response. My brain was heavy and there was nothing I could do to stop anything.

"No!" I heard his growl. I felt a strong hand on my shoulder and with it a soft shake. "When I fought you, kid, you had guts. You had a will to survive and remember who you were despite that place. I told you I would never forget you. You have to remember. Whatever memories you had before were a lie!"

And just like that I felt a shift and I remembered who he was.

"Raven", I whispered

And I remembered who I was. My memories were still blurry.

"Osprey. Subject 250. Shinji was a name that was forgotten long ago", his frustrated and hurt eyes lit up while a wry smile spread.

"I was with my sensei but then I was taken away from him", the memory was blurry but I remember being taken from my bed and then to a court.

"I was charged with barely any evidence and sentenced to death", I specifically remember the judges voice. I was so small the chains barely fitted over my wrist. I was…I think I might have just turned four years old.

"_Shinji Ikari, due to your involvement in the death of your mother you have been sentenced to death"_

I wanted my father so badly at that moment. I still had some hope in him as I wished for his return or at least someone to come to my defense. I can't even remember what evidence they used to prove such a false claim. My death sentence was not via execution or lethal injection but by placing me in that prison. I remember that it was actually a slightly warm climate and the air was dry. I do remember a large amount of Russian conversations between the guards but there were many dialects- what was left of the human race. I remember a lot of Japanese people though. We were frequent for some reason.

But I wasn't perceived as being normal. I remember experiments.

"Being tied down to tables and injected with strange stuff that only left me in nothing but pain afterwards", I mumbled out loud.

I had to mask the pain somehow. I couldn't kill myself. I couldn't fight back. I was stuck with nothing but endless hours of pain. And that is when the blackouts came. I would blackout and wake up to a room full of dead people.

An image popped up from last night _" From __your pain I arose and I protected us until you were ready to accept me"_

I shivered. I couldn't place that…thing…I only knew that it was a part of me. It was created for me to fight back. But I couldn't remember what it would do. I can't remember when I realized it was a part of me.

"I remember the scar gang because of my powers. My…my branch of sin…that is right…my powers were a weird blood thing. I could manipulate my blood and it was called my branch of sin. That is what caused this!"

I hoped on the bed and looked around. I could remember! "Raven! You had scythes that came from your arms and they looked like something from the grim reaper. And-And I had blades, crescent blades that spun around me like a tornado. I could rip apart a person or anything easily but at first…when I first fought you I could only do one!"

"I remember. I remember", I screamed. He merely looked on with a smirk on his face and arms crossed. I could even remember that stance.

The more my memories kept going the more I became unsettled. I remembered joining the scar gang and I remember Owl and Game Fowl…I remember the prison break b-but I don't remember anything afterwards. I flopped back on the bed as a sense of dread came over me. I combed through the memories.

"I remember the scar gang. I remember the chip and trying to escape but something happened", I mumbled to myself. Leon's face grimaced.

"There was a traitor. That guy who liked to pop his neck all the time. The Undertakers came. They were the most inhumane of all the prisoners but they were the main guards against us"

"_Death is rock and roll!"_

They killed so many of the gang because their powers did not work against the Undertakers. I…I was shot in the stomach. I crawled to a cove created by barrels of supplies and laid trying to figure out what to do.

"But I didn't make it. I was shot", and that is when the doors to my memories closed again. It ended with words from two separate people.

"_Do you know why your blood does that? Your body…the blood that runs through it is a Sin not a blessing! Result of man's sin against humanity and thus God. On that day man encompassed all seven deadly sins and they still pay for the price. They wanted to play God and that is why they must be stopped. That is why you must suffer. You must seek retribution for your sins!"_

"_A sin? Ha! That is Lillum's way of placing blame like she always does. They do something wrong and whatever the result whether or not it makes sense ends up within their twisted sense of God and thus becomes a sin. But I will say the consequences you are experiencing are because of your parents. They always need a scapegoat and that is for people like you; weak and defenseless. You are different. You are above them. _

_I've noticed you in the ring. You have great fire. The type of person that is needed to make sure the Lillum do not continue with their arrogant tirade and continue destroying this planet that is not even theirs. That blood is not only for fighting but for knowledge. With it you can achieve an energy that Lillum is not allowed to obtain. The power of alchemy"._

I sat staring at the ceiling. They were done. The memories were shut off into blurry crossovers with my forced images of my life with my sensei and a block from where I was lying on the ground bleeding to death. I know they were there I just couldn't get to them. I needed something else to force them out but what? I just really needed to draw. I-I wait!

I jumped off the bed and ran into the bathroom. I ignored the smudges of blood on the floor and looked at the mirror and lo and behold it was still there. The circle. I couldn't stop now I wanted all my memories back. And of course the voices and the…other me decided to be quiet at the moment. Of course!

I had to get it. There were variations of it. I could draw all day and I could figure out what it was I just needed to draw this one. I ran and got a small pencil and pad and finally wrote it down on solid paper. And just like that it stopped again. I could only remember this circle and one more variation and that was it. It was like there was a real block against it. I laid my head on the cool counter in frustration.

"Leon", I mumbled. I heard the chair creaking and footsteps. When a small brush of air was felt I asked him "Do you know how I lost my memories?"

I heard silence for a moment and then a solemn "Not really. I just remember being told that they were forced out".

"How did you come to find me here? How did you know", I asked allowing one eye to look at him leaning against the frame of the door. He took a deep sigh.

"I was already stationed here because it is my home. Well the area that used to be here was my home. I was simply told to look after you when the time came. So I just kept an eye on you".

I jerked up "Who told you", I asked excited that maybe I could get some more information.

"I cannot say", my elation dropped. I was a little pissed at the response.

_"You are not ready to accept me"_ the creepy demon thing from last night said. I ignored him for the time being.

"What do you mean? You cannot say"

"I cannot tell you anything because you still would not remember. The way you were forced to forget will not allow a mere third party help to remember like before. You need more. Some of the memories might slip through but the type of stuff they used on you…you simply need more help in remembering"

"This is important isn't it?" I pointed at the mirror with the circle.

He titled his head and focused on the thing. "Do you even know what that is?" he asked with a slightly bored expression.

"Alchemy", I blurted out. He looked at me incredulously "I think".

"And what exactly is alchemy", he deadpanned.

"I don't know!" I cried exasperatedly. I grabbed my hair wanting to pull it out.

(Ring)(Ring)

A noise sounded surprising both of us. The phone was ringing. I was confused at who could be calling me before I remembered that I was on lockdown from Misato.

Before I could reach the phone the answering machine had to pick up.

"Shinji Ikari! Remember what I told you last night. One more problem like yesterday and you lose –"

"Y-Yes Misato. Hi how are you?" I picked up quickly not wanting to hear another rant.

"Good you picked up. I'm well"

"Good. Do you need anything?"

"No I just have to check up on you. Did you read that letter I put on the counter?"

"Letter?"

"Ugh kid. Yeah I placed it on the counter before I left last night. It provides details about your new school"

"School? I have to go to school!" I really did not want to go to school. I didn't really feel like acting normal at the moment. I would be very comfortable staying in my apartment or talking to Raven all day. It probably wasn't the most productive thing to do but it made me comfortable.

"Yes young man. You have to go to school. Despite the angels you still need a degree", she stated.

"Okay", I really didn't want to talk to her anymore.

"Okay…well…stay safe kid. And stay away from that guy. He gives me a bad vibe", she hung up after that.

"Well she sounds like a pill", I heard a gruff voice say behind me. I chuckled before looking at the scarred counter. The letter was instead on the floor with 1/4th cut off. I grimaced before deducing that it should still be readable.

"Sooo", I began hoping that Leon could provide some adult advice. "Do you have any ideas on how I could fix this place".

* * *

Well that is it for now. Here are some questions to mule over:

Who is the mysterious creature that want so be accepted?

What are all these voices and beings inside of Shinji?

Why are they always crying?

What did Shinji 'create'?

Find out probably next time!

Please review.I hope the story is going smoothly without much confusion. To the reviewer who wanted Shinji to use his powers on Misato or Ritsuko I hope this is enough. I couldn't allow a full attack because it wouldn't really go along with the plot. I hope Misato isn't too OCC. It is just at the beginning she sometimes got on my nerves and was a little too hard on the kid so I can see her acting a little mean at times.


	6. Chapter 6

"_Alchemy"_

I could remember the name but not the action. I know it had something to do with that circle but that was it. I couldn't remember anything else.

"_I wish I could help"_

"_We wish we could help"_

"_You have to figure it out on your own"_

"_We're sorry"_

The voices that were usually quiet were actually still quiet but they tried to be comforting at times and other times well…

"_Sorry…Sorry!"_

"_Why are WE apologizing to a little brat?"_

"_We are the ones that are dead"_

"_It's not his fault we are dead"_

"_We're not even dead. We just don't have bodies"_

"_Well we still shouldn't have to sa-"_

"_Enough!"_

A voice rang out through the commotion. I allowed it to continue…to tired and too curious to deny that there were things in me…maybe people. They always cry about their dead. They cry that they are dead and that they are only souls. The other creature within me can sometimes make them shut up. They usually do.

"_Make him remember!"_

"_I want my rest"_

"_I do not have that type of power"_

"_Why can only half of him remember us?"_

"_You are already dead, have patience. He almost remembers all"_

"_We can't change his memory anyway"_

"_The only thing we can do is wait"_

"_You are not giving him-giving us any succor by crying out"_

I listen because they give me clues. Obviously I did not spend the majority of my life with my teacher. It was spent in that hell hole. I am something called a Deadman and I can manipulate my blood. But that is not my only specialty nor is it the main one. I have something else that has to do with this thing called alchemy. Every time the word pops up I have a sense of dread and of happiness. There are others like me. Actually there was a whole prison like me…no wait more than just in the prison…all were just not found. All were not labeled Deadmen. And I wonder if the ability to manipulate my blood was a mere environmental mutation or if it is just a power that some humans have…they are simply born with it. I also wonder if the facility wasn't just for capturing Deadmen. I can't place my finger on it. I can't remember anything past the moment I was shot during the raid but I have a hunch that the place wasn't just for capturing Deadmen and persecuting humans. Another memory bubbles up as I lay dying and crying. I didn't want to die yet. I had fought so hard to live and I wasn't ready to die.

"_Aw isn't this sad"_

"_The poor wittle Osprey was shot"_

"_I bet you envy me don't you. I have to give you a little credit kid at least you fought for your life"_

"_But still I bet you envy my life…the fact that I am breathing, healthy, strong. I bet you envy that"_

"_(Sigh) Well lucky you! You get to live a little longer. With your sins and loneliness as your comfort"_

I slathered on some more plaster onto the large cut. The cuts aren't actually as large as I thought they were. They were actually more long and skinny …like a sharp blade cutting through pure butter. It makes the patching job a little easier. Before leaving for work Leon gave me a bucket of plaster and other supplies. He even had the right shade of paint that is fortunately on every wall in the apartment complex seemingly. I wonder if he has had the same problem before…or maybe he has just been watching me more than I thought.

I continued thinking and listening. I was a little numb at the moment. It's almost like a roller coaster at times I am completely okay with the voices but at other times I am not and I have to follow my gut and be okay with them again. The only thing I know is that I can't tell anyone else. Only Leon knows and I think that is enough or at least I feel that is enough.

The memory is blurry but I make it come to surface. I have a strong feeling that the memory was a turning point especially since my memories end there. After that voice…that slightly cruel and mocking voice calls me envious of life…something life changing happened. It still irks me that I still have memories with my teacher. Irks me more that they were are totally different from what I experienced at the prison and were once upon a time real. I was living a lie and I don't even know how long. I bet if I visited my teacher he wouldn't even remember me. Then that raises the question that if I was really in a prison then what was my father doing?

I have blurry memories of us visiting my mother's grave. At first he falls and grovels at the grave obviously in some sort of grief but I am there standing behind him. Soon he is only able to stand a few feet away and stand behind me who is now closer to the grave. We went their yearly until a certain time when I stopped. My memory said I ran away but I don't believe it. I know I wasn't there so what was there? Did my father even look at me? Are these fake dreams just to placate me?

I wonder if he had an involvement in me going to that prison.

What if he was the one to blame me for my mother's death? He just tipped the judge off?

"_Well he is our enemy. He is bad. Not even worthy of being called Father"_

I stopped the thought process. The other me didn't like my father at all. Actually every time I thought about my father hatred would bubble up inside of me and I knew part of it was from the other side of me. I don't know what to call him…the other me. In the few boring hours that I have been plastering the kitchen I tried to figure out a name for him.

"_So what do I call you?"_

"_I am you so call me whatever you call yourself"_

"_That's just confusing"_

"_No it's not. You don't refer to yourself in the third person while thinking"_

"_But…but-"_

"_You haven't come to accept me yet but you will see soon that we are one in the same"_

"_I am just another part of you"_

I continued to add the plaster. I still don't feel comfortable calling him my name. A name means value and acceptance. I don't know what I feel about this thing yet. It protected me but I still feared it. I would always black out and wake up to a room full of hideously dismembered humans. I knew it was him.

I was almost done with the kitchen and the rest of the apartment was actually looking better. I was still fixing the door since it was actually the worst damaged. The mirror was long discarded.

While working I realized there was another color I didn't like: the color red. It did not induce the prominent hatred that white created but it did induce fear and death. The color red is the same color as blood and it is also the color as-

"_Death is rock and roll!"_

That guy was an Undertaker. They were the ones a part of the prison system who were not deemed necessary to rehabilitate because they were too far gone. They were too psychotic and too homicidal. He was one of the leaders. His hair was bright red and he dressed like a monk. He worshipped death and was more than happy to kill because of his twisted sense that death was the ultimate freedom to pain and suffering. He had a sharp eye for picking on me. I saw glimpses of him frequently but he always stayed away.

Anyway I hated the color red and white. White is the color for surrender and death, at least in Japan. I was almost always in white. That was the only color they gave me until I was able to get enough monie to buy myself different colors. I wasn't going to surrender to death and that is what white continuously symbolized. It was like I was in a constant state of death. The walls of the surgery room, of my own room, of my clothes and of my torturers clothes were white…continuously symbolizing my death. I refused to die and that color mocked me. And in that white mixed my red blood. I was afraid when it was spilt.

The first time I was able to stop wearing white was during a Carnival Corpse. There I had to fight an opponent for the crowd's amusement. I had to immobilize the opponent…or kill the opponent. With each win you receive monie. Though this was not given to me other opponents receive candy. This candy was short term anti-venom that counteracted the venom that was continuously given to prisoners. After 7 days the prisoner died if not given any candy. It could be won or bought. The poison was administered through a collar like thing around their necks. I did not have one…neither did the Undertakers, they were the ones to stop the Deadmen if something could occur. I didn't understand why I didn't but I think that maybe they simply did not fear me like they feared the older people. I was a small child. They also used me for too many experiments I think.

In my first Carnival Corpse I had to fight Raven. I remember that was the first day my name changed from Subject 250 to Osprey, a bird of prey. I was finally given some form of value but I was still disposable. I was terrified. Leon was muscular and at my age then he was huge. The blood sprung from his arms into scythes and I realized how close to the grim reaper he looked. I understood why they called him Raven. I lunged from his attacks but was finally slashed across my chest.

That is where some of the scars are from.

I sat there bleeding and afraid of death. I felt hot tears leave my eyes as I thought about how worthless I felt. My father had deemed me worthless, my mother had deemed me worthless, the law deemed me worthless, this prison deemed me worthless and now here I was unable to fight back. I was worthless and so many people didn't care if I died. I felt a small snap in my brain. Not real but psychological. With the snap came anger and I refused to die like everyone wanted me too. I raised up on my now scared legs just enough to get a good shot at him and I released a crescent knife right into the middle of his chest where two small bandages lie. It hit straight on and re-cracked his sternum.

I thought he would be angry but he wasn't. He reveled to fight even if it cost him. It later did because while I won money to buy stuff he lost his eye. They broadcasted the thing all over the block and I almost threw up at the sight. I was both terrified that I had caused him such pain and terrified that it could have been me.

They stopped putting me in the carnival corpse after a while. They stopped the experiments after a while too. That is when I started blacking out and waking up to a room full of dismembered people.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAA

"Maybe the guy really did just want to show the kid his gratitude. I mean you did say he was a police officer right?"

"No Ritsuko! This guy just gave me a bad vibe", Misato crossed her arms while talking to her friend. "I told him one more slip and he is definitely moving in with me. I've already asked Section-2 to keep an eye on him".

Ritsuko chuckled "A teenage boy living in the same house with you Misato. I don't think that is the best idea"

"Well it's better than him being all alone with some creepy cop following him around. That guy looked like he just got out of jail not put people in the jail", Misato fumed.

"Well you would still need authorization. I don't know how Commander Ikari would perceive that", Ritsuko took a sip of her coffee.

"I don't think he'll mind. I am still the kid's guardian and all. The Commander is not even really involved in Shinji's life", Misato reasoned.

"Just because he is distant does not mean he doesn't care", Ritsuko looked like she didn't even believe that statement.

"Hmm…sure", Misato said unbelieving.

"Well you shouldn't place your own feelings about your father into other people Misato", Ritsuko said cautiously.

"Oh shut up", Misato replied with a tone of finality.

"Do we know what happened during the sync test", Misato changed the subject with a huff.

"No. I have been going through the files but the only thing I can come up with is possible instability of the pilot"

"You mean like with Rei"

"Yes. I don't know about the psychological problems of Shinji yet but there was a difference in how the EVA acted"

"Your right there was difference. With Rei it seemed like the EVA was trying to kill itself but with Shinji-"

"It acted like it was hurting or even fighting something internally" Ritsuko finished Misato's statement.

"So that just means that Shinji's problems and Rei's are just…different"

"Yes. Unlike with Rei there did not seem to be a rejection with Shinji. Actually his scores were really high indicating a possible absorption"

"Well I guess that could be possible I mean what mother rejects her son"

"Have you checked on his condition yet Misato", Ritsuko interrupted thinking about the term mother.

"Oh", Misato said sheepishly "Well after last night…well I kind of…forgot"

"YOU FORGOT", Ritsuko fussed "How could you forget that your own ward was injured and not check up on him".

"He was fine when I left him…maybe a little woozy but fine nonetheless. Besides I tried to check up on him. If he was good enough to visit some weirdo and eat dinner with him then he should be fine", Misato said "I'll check up on him immediately after my shift", she stated quickly after looking at Ritsuko's glare.

"You better. And tell him I need to see him after school Monday to check his progress. You have told him about his school yes?"

"Yep I have informed him that he is starting Monday. His injuries are not bad enough for that so he should be fine especially if Rei can attend school in her condition"

"I agree. Just please remember to check up on him. This is a bad look for a guardian Misato"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAA

I took a deep breath and exhaled. I only inhaled paint fumes but it proved one thing: my ribs were healed. Actually all of my injuries were healed. Before Leon left he did say something about how I shouldn't worry about my injuries anymore. It is really cool that this blood thing could have healing powers. I guess it would be necessary since I have to injure myself to even draw the blood out. I ate my small egg and toast as I waited for the paint to dry. Thank goodness the kitchen ware wasn't too dinged up. There were more scratches than actual scars like in the walls but they were steel appliances so that could mean something.

I really didn't want to go to school. I'm already hearing voices so I didn't really want to add people into the mix. I…I don't really think I actually have ever been to school. At the prison for some reason they made me learn reading and writing. I don't know why especially since they forced me to undergo experiments but they had tutors for me. They were just as demented as the others and every problem I did incorrectly ended with a whip, hit or knife. I remember being almost perfect because I didn't want to feel any more pain so I made sure I could do everything they asked of me. But then again they stopped the tutors once I blacked out one time and awoke to a decapitated tutor. I still don't know why they wanted me to learn. Maybe they wanted to show the public that they were being somewhat humane to foolish spectators especially since I was a child.

I added a second coat as the sun was beginning to set and finally felt done when I started making dinner for myself. I looked at the miraculously still alive clock. Leon said he was going to stop by after work to check up on me. I was actually kind of excited to see him. He seemed to care a little about me. The feeling was nice but also very foreign. At one point I had come to realize that I was alone. I couldn't believe in anyone and I knew that no one loved me. I had come to except that and just fought for my existence. Fought everyone who had the arrogance to claim that I should die while they live. But he changed that outlook a little.

I think a memory from after the prison slipped through. It was not intentional but it didn't show much either. I have to dig it out but it was after the EVA test. It was of that guy who liked the bluejays and patted my head. I had heavy emotions for him. I can't remember him but with that one memory I knew he was someone important. It was like he really loved me. I couldn't believe someone else could love me. I was fine with loving myself. I was worth living and I was worth love but no one would love me and everyone wanted me to die. So I killed all those who wanted me to die and loved only myself since no one else would…not even my parents. But here comes this guy who I can't even remember who says he loves me. I hold back tears again. I can barely remember this guy but yet I am crying.

(Knock)(Knock)

"Shinji it's me open up", Misato's cheery voice muffled through. I almost stopped breathing. I looked around the room and tried to think of an excuse to give her for the damage and the paint. There was a trash bag full of dry wall, feathers and the broken mirror.

"Shinji are you in there", she began to sound irritated. I couldn't risk another problem like yesterday so I quickly opened the door.

"Oh thank goodness. I…I just wanted to say that I am sorry about my fussing at you yesterday and I-"she stopped mid-sentence once her big eyes fell upon my small apartment.

"What in the hell happened here Shinji", she gasped at some sudden realization "Did that guy do something? You better tell me the truth kid, remember that you have all of Nerv protecting you", she began with an angry and worried tone.

"No Misato, that guy didn't do anything to me. He really is harmless", I said with slight irritation of her frequent accusations against Leon. She didn't look satisfied but her face fell to confusion since it didn't explain why my room was in shambles.

"I-I decided to…re…redecorate", she looked at me incredulously. "What? Do you really think I was born yesterday", her face was beginning to turn red at my obvious lie so I tried another tactic.

"Okay fine. I was really angry after you left and I didn't know how I could express so I just started breaking things in my room. I didn't know what else to do and I didn't realize what I was doing until well I had damaged some parts of my room", I finished with my head bowed sincerely hoping she believed my lie.

"You did all of this because of my fussing at you yesterday. Wha-What…I don't…do you have anger problems Shinji…like has this happened before? And", her eyes lowered and I didn't really know what she was looking at "Your hand", she quickly grabbed it. "You even hurt yourself. Shinji I was worried about leaving you before. First you hang out with some weird guy and then you trash your apartment and even hurt yourself-"

"He's not weird", I yelled out. I was so sick of her calling him weird. He was the most normal person I know…which is not that many people in total but it still counts. "And my hand is fine it is just a scratch. No this is not really something that has happened before", my voice tapered off. I was worried that I had actually dug myself a really deep hole.

"This is just like the first time I saw you in the hospital when you made that dent-", she stopped and straightened herself up before shifting to the side of the door. I had forgotten about that incident. That is not really good to prove that I am stable enough to stay by myself. Ugh, but I need my freedom though. I would be under constant surveillance from her and I wouldn't really get to see Leon again.

She pulled up a bag of…food. It looked like it was all instant. "As a peace offering and because I didn't give you a welcome to Tokyo-3 party I have decided to make dinner for you", she stated cheerfully. Before I could protest she shoved herself into my apartment. I merely closed the door not wanting to start any more trouble.

"So you already started to cook the rice great!"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAA

Was she an alcoholic or something? She chugged a beer like it was pure water. I didn't really have a dining set so she just sat on the still scarred up chair. She gave me a worried/angry look as she sat before chugging down her beer. Luckily the pots and pans were saved from last night.

I picked up my chopsticks and…suddenly forgot how to use them. I couldn't even hold them right. She stopped her shoveling of food and looked at me curiously. "You do know how to use chop sticks right", she said it in an unbelieving tone but my struggle with the two pieces of wood had her worried. I don't think I used chopsticks in the prison. I used forks, knives and spoons. I chuckled nervously "My hand just hurts a little", I replied. My right hand was still bandaged so she seemed to believe me. I managed after a while to get some food.

The food was…well it was…gross. The instant curry and noodles tasted like some type of toxic sludge. I instantly missed Leon's food. She ate it ravenously though. "You know we really need to get you some more chairs…maybe bean bag chairs. You'll need them when you start making friends at school", she stated happily.

I grimaced at the thought of school. "Don't worry Shinji. You'll like it. I promise. You'll start making friends and it will get better".

"_Friends"_

The word sounded bitter even thinking about it. The prison life didn't really create friends. Not when you might have to kill them later during a Carnival Corpse. Half of them were as insane as the people running the place. But of course Leon could be the exception. Even in the life with my teacher I never had friends. I was always lonely.

"Hello earth to Shinji. Did you hear what I just said", I realized that I had spaced out and apologized.

"I said that you have to meet with Ritsuko after school on Monday to check on your injuries", she stated. Her face turned to one of worry "How are you feeling"

"I'm fine actually. The medication keeps the pain away. My ribs aren't really hurting at all", I lied to her. I didn't even know where the pills were. I felt a little bad for the lie but I thought it necessary. I didn't even know what I was going tell Dr. Akagi about my suddenly healed ribs. I cringed at what could happen due to that. I know that it could be something that would be documented and could be easily transferred to my father. Hopefully he won't care enough to investigate anything.

"Well that is good", she stated. "Shinji", she said with a tone of seriousness "You do know that you are doing a great thing by piloting EVA right? I know you don't really like your father and all…I didn't really get along with my father either but you saved the entire human race with piloting that thing and defeating the angels", her arms spread out to add emphasis. "I just want you to know that you did a good thing that day and you continue to do it while piloting", her voice was sincere but I couldn't help the nagging memory.

"_You Shinji Ikari will pilot the EVA"_

"_I have a use for you"_

"_Just get in the EVA!"_

The last voice was Misato's. At that moment when it was said I felt nothing but helplessness but now I feel nothing but anger. Through all of her sincerity I still can't forget that voice.

"_Why did you come here Shinji?"_

"_You have to confront your father"_

She continued drinking her beer and looking at the window. I think I nodded to her to confirm I heard he before. Confront? Confront my father. I have a new definition of how I want to confront him. I don't want to confront him by doing his will and allowing them to tell me what to do. The way I want to confront him is a punch in the face. It was his fault that I was in that place anyway! His fault that I am going through this hell right now! His fault and my mother's fault! They have so much power over my life and they knew it. Confront my father..pssh…if I were to confront him in that monster he would be dead. His abandonment of me was a threat to my existence and anyone who threatens my life needs to die. Any one arrogant enough to try to kill me or any life needs to die.

But that leads to the question of why I came to EVA. Why am I still piloting the same monster that has already caused me grief?

"_Has it really cause you grief"_

The other me spoke. I looked up at Misato who was now nursing another beer. She gave me a wink and I down casted my eyes in embarrassment.

"_Yes it has" _

"_But you now have some of your memories"_

"_You now know who you are a little"_

"_Fine well then can you enlighten me then on a reason?"_

"_To stop the angels from destroying those who you want to protect"_

"_To keep the third impact from occurring. To stop the arrogance of Lillum"_

That word 'Lillum' kept popping up but I didn't really know what it was…but I knew about a possible third impact. I…sure saving humanity is a big deal but who do I want to protect.

Leon flashed in my mind with a kind smirk and a radiation of warmth filled my chest. Oh…I see… I wouldn't want Leon to die. I do want to protect him. I have a right to protect him. I can finally protect him.

Once upon a time I wanted to protect my mother and father too.

"Well I can't stay for too much longer and I can't keep drinking since I have to drive home", Misato began gathering her things. "I'll keep popping up and since I am your guardian I'm not going to call before I come. Just be ready", she said with an evil smirk. I rolled my eyes. "Just make sure you remember about meeting Ritsuko after school and open another window this smell of paint is almost making me high. AND make sure you go to school. I am alerted of everyday you miss without my permission".

She was finally gone. I opened another window like she asked. I was too tired after today to do much of anything else except shower and bed. I left the window open.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAA

(chirp)(chirp)(chirp)

I awoke to the soft sounds of chirping. I opened my eyes to a small bird. It was a blue bird. Not a blue jay but close. It was having a good time eating some of the bread out of the trashcan. I lay in bed and watched it peck and sing. I think it was half past ten. I smiled to myself as the same memory from before faded in.

"_I've always like bluejays"_

The voice was so deep and comforting. I longed to remember the voice that brought such warmth and hope. I thought about what I could possibly do today since it was Sunday. A thought came to my mind in that I needed school supplies. I arose out of bed just in time to see the blue bird finish its breakfast and fly out. I closed the window after it.

I arose to start my new day.

Tokyo-3 was busy for a fortress against aliens. There were people everywhere but I guess Sunday afternoons are good times for families. It was nice to walk around and just see people. I didn't have to be in contact with them but I could just watch. Watch the fathers playing catch with their kids, watch the mothers feeding their babies. It was…nice….watching families were nice. Something I never had.

I continued walking with school list in hand and the card in the other. I quickly got my things and walked out.

I wasn't ready to go back to my suddenly stuffy apartment so I decided to sit on a park bench. I was mostly invisible under the shade as I watched families fly kites and play with large, happy dogs.

I felt the bench shift and heard a soft plop. I turned my head to see Leon looking at the same scenery.

"It's nice huh? Looking at all the happy faces and stuff. I think this is why I joined the force before going to prison and why I returned afterwards. I love the thrill of fighting especially with my gift but I also liked to protect too", he began with a nostalgic tone. "I decided not to come by yesterday. I heard your guardian in there and she doesn't really seem to like me much at all", he gave a hard chuckle at the statement.

"I agree", we sat in silence for a moment. It was like we were both reveling in happiness of being out of that prison and actually being free.

"I didn't find you after the riot", he began after a moment thus breaking the light feeling of before. His soft smile had turned into a frown. He eyes were downcast to the green grass. "Actually I couldn't find you at all on the grounds. It was like you just disappeared. As a way to scare any other Deadmen from rioting they placed the names of the ones who were killed but you were not there".

"After the place was finally sacked almost everyone was acquitted. But I still couldn't find you for another few years. I was worried you had gotten into a good fight without telling me".

"Wait, Leon, you said you couldn't find me for some few years…what was I doing", I asked surprised at his level of care to even look for me afterwards.

"Here…this won't give you any clues but it could provide some comfort", he gave me a brown envelope that had seen better days.

"Well got to go back protecting the people. See ya around kid", he said before leaving me alone again. The sky was beginning to turn orange and I was beginning to get hungry.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAA

_The boy under the name Subject 250 has posthumously been acquitted of all accounts of murder. His real name and birth were not found but we can only ask his forgiveness at the clear inhumane conditions he was put under. He is innocent of all crimes. Since he cannot be found we can only wish that his soul rests in peace._

That was all I could digest from the letter. I wasn't found at all. I was thought to be dead. B-but I'm here so that person who ever took me after the riot…but-but wait my records were not found. They didn't even say my name…didn't even know my name_. _They kept records of me. They always had records of me in everything…they always wrote down stuff or at least I saw them write down stuff. I read the script over and over again…all 10 pages of it. It was so….depressing but at least I wasn't seen as a fugitive. And at least they finally got rid of the place. I was slightly numbed at the letter. I had spent most of my evening do nothing but repeatedly reading it hoping to sponge something from the words. And then stopping to roam over my ravaged thoughts. The voices of course were quiet murmurs. The only thing I could do after that was eat, shower and go to bed.

I had a strange inclination to pray to a God I have never really heard about before.

Overall though I had a good day.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I awoke to more chirping. I think that bird liked my apartment but the window was closed and could not get in. It just stayed on the seal and sung its little heart away. I picked up a piece of bread from the trash and threw it out. It caught it with glee. I looked over at the clock and noticed that I had about an hour before I had to go to my new hell hole: school.

Okay I was being pessimistic but I really did not like the prospect of being around people my own age. I was never around people my own age. I didn't want to be. I lay in bed and just watched the time go by for a while. So much information in just a few days and now this. I didn't even have a weekend to rest. Friday I realized half of what I was, Saturday was renovation, Sunday I realized that I was innocent. All that in just three days. I'm not even going to go into the whole Eva thing yet.

"_I'm alerted of everyday you miss without my permission"_

I groaned at the warning and forced myself to get up and get ready. The school list said that I had to wear a white shirt but I instead wore a black shirt of course. I hoped they either wouldn't notice or that I could feign first day of school confusion. I double checked myself.

Blue undershirt- check

Black over shirt-check

Black shoes-check

Black pants-check

Perfect! I grabbed my small supplies and headed on my trek to school. It wasn't long and I saw others walking in the same type of attire that I had decided not to wear. I just made sure to follow them.

"Hmmm…home room 2-A", I walked through the maze trying to find my class.

"Heeey", I heard a voice behind me. I assumed he was talking to someone else so I kept walking…no way someone can know me.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned to look at a boy with violet eyes, black hair and a wide smile. I felt a cold shiver run down my spine

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAA

Well that is it for now. I'm not going to go through his everyday life but I thought these first few would be important and good for story development. I hope I have painted Misato more as a concerned guardian than anything else. I also hope things are coming together and making the story seem more suspicious instead of confusing.

Misato is not as easily fooled as she seems also…


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry about all the POV errors and any spelling errors. Please review and tell me what you think!

* * *

His dark hair was short but curled at the ends, his eyes were soft lavender and they seemed friendly. But it felt like I had seen him before. His grip on my shoulder was strong and it hurt slightly. I faintly remembered the large scar under the same hand.

"You're new here right", he stated with a cheerful smile.

I nodded dumbly.

"I'm new here too. My name is Cane. What is yours?"

"Uh…Shinji", I told him while thinking about his weird name. Again another non-Japanese name…

"By any chance do you know where room 2-A is?" he questioned. I shrugged "I'm looking for it myself".

"Well great we can get lost together", he chuckled and we continued.

Luckily we were not too far away from the location.

"Stand, bow, sit", we heard a girl say.

"Ah good", the teacher began "Students we have two new students meeting with us today. This here is Shinji Ikari and the next is Cane Midori. You boys pick a sit now", I looked around the room. There was at least one guy who didn't want to follow the dress code. He looked angry about something though. I took one step and my hand was grasped by the Cane's hand. He guided/dragged me to the back of the classroom. We took the two seats that were close to each other and empty. I didn't know how I felt about being pulled to the back of the classroom by another guy but my worries were mostly extinguished by Cane's friendly smile. I got weird looks from some of the students but I glared back before embarrassment could come forth. What the hell do I care what they think anyway?

I opened my ugly red laptop to follow along with the lecture "Well students today we are going to talk about the Second Impact", the teacher drawled on and my mind instantly zoned out. I already hated this place.

I scanned the classroom. Most of the kids were trying not to fall asleep. The only one who was vigilant was a girl with brown hair and freckles.

Rei Ayanami was in bandages. I remember the first time I met her during the angel attack. It was the first angel attack so I wonder how she got hurt. Her head turned around and she looked at me. I turned my head back to the front of the classroom. I don't know what to do about her yet. She looked so familiar also but with the familiarity I have a strong uncomfortable feeling. And her skin and eyes. She's so pale almost white and her eyes are so red…the color of blood.

I could feel heat upon my face and hope that she doesn't see anything. I notice whispering amongst the students and eyes that flicker back to my own. I cross my arms and the feeling of being talked about. I glance over at Cane and almost fall out of my chair. The kid's just looking at me. I could've sworn his eyes were different at that moment. They were evil looking and looked red for a moment but at one blink and they were back to being curious and friendly. I look up at the ceiling not wanting to look at any other human being in this classroom. I really didn't want to be here. I felt my skin start to crawl. I closed my eyes and concentrated on breathing through my nose. I became hyper aware of the voices around me. The girlish whispers and the giggles…the beginnings of a snide remark. The sound of graphite hitting paper, the sound of an eraser scratching against paper, the sound of nails drumming against the desk. My blood was burning. What was I going to do?

"_So what now?"_

"_Oh so you want my advice now?"_

"_Great sarcasm. So why am I getting these feelings. Is there danger around?"_

_ "Why the heck are you asking me?"_

"_Cause you were so adamant before about "accepting" and all that crap"_

"_So are you actually accepting me now?"_

"_I'm trying. You seem helpful at times"_

"_These other humans are just annoying little buzzards. But the one next to you, Cane, he could be useful"_

"_You mean like a friend", my heart began to beat a little faster._

"_Not necessarily safe but he can help"_

"_Well what the hell does that mean!?"_

I felt a hand on my shoulder right where the scar was again. The pain that erupted was dull ache and I cringed. It shocked me back into breathing normally. The whispers ran back to their owners. The pencils were moving but now silent. My blood was still boiling. I actually felt hot and of course I was angry again. I bared my teeth and looked up at the owner of the hand in anger. Crane shirked back his hand and looked shocked at my facial expression. I changed my expression. I feel more irritated than usual and angrier.

He noticeably gulped and pointed at my computer screen. I had new messages.

"_So are you the new Eva pilot"_

I stared at the screen and looked at two girls giggling who must have been the culprits of the message. I didn't know whether to answer yes or no. A part of me wanted them to mind their own business. A part of me was flattered that they would even ask. A part of me was still too angry to think. The room started to get really warm and I began to get really irritated at the seven words. I began to get irritated at the girls. I looked up once more and instead of two girls there were more little eyes staring back at me. Waiting for my response with more curiosity than I think should be given. So instead of answering I just rolled me eyes up to the ceiling and continued looking at the dull structure. They were teenagers…they had low attention spans…so why should they care….they'll forget in a moment.

I could still feel their eyes on my face. I felt my brow scrunch up in anger. Why can't they just leave me alone!? They have lives, why can't they just stick with that and leave mine out of it! I instead thought of something more productive with my time.

"_Well one of you guys what is your name?"_

"_Oh you finally have an interest in us now. What boredom does to a young mind, haha"_

"_My name is Cecilia"_

"_My name is Robin"_

"_My name is James"_

"_My name is Aiko"_

"_My name is Hana"_

"_My name is Etsu"_

"_My name is Luke"_

"_Alright alright! One at a time. I can't concentrate on so many voices at once. So the first one I heard was Cecilia correct?"_

"_Yes!" a bright voice popped up_

"_We've already done this before"_

"_Well duh", I screamed at the other me "I can't really remember it now can I!"_

"_I don't mind. Yes I am Cecilia. I was born in Chile in South America"_

"_Wait what…South America! But there is no South America anymore!"_

"_Haven't you been listening at ALL! They are dead! Gah, my other self is a retard"_

"_Well sometimes they don't talk they just wail and cry! And shut up! But how long have you been dead?"_

"_I have been dead for 15 years"_

"_But Second Impact was 15 years…is that what you were talking about before… You don't want another impact happening. Is that where all of you are from? The second impact!"_

I felt a shift in gravity as my chair began to change from a 75 degree angle to a 180 degree angle. My arms splayed out in an attempt to grab on to something. Before my head could hit anything an arm shot out to grab my hand. The arm was strong and almost hurt as it clasped around the bicep. I felt a sharp pain spring my joint as the rest of gravity pushed down upon my almost free fall form.

My bum hit the floor and the class erupted in laughter. I looked up at the hand to find Cane looking at me with an unreadable expression. His grip on my arm was like steel and my shoulder was in a lot of pain.

"Order classroom! The teacher is still talking", I heard the freckled girl say. The class quieted down with small snicker here and there. Cane finally let my arm go and I felt blood rush back into the limb. I repositioned my chair just in time to hear a bell ring.

"Oh. Is it lunch already well class dismiss", I rubbed my arm from the harsh grasp of Crane as the class got ready for lunch. As I left the classroom my hot blood cooled and my heart beat calmed.

"You wanna eat with me", I heard Cane say. "We can both go to the cafeteria and get something". Though his grip was harsh he did save me from a nasty fall so I followed him.

The cafeteria reminded me of the prison for a minute but I forced the thought out of my mind. I tried not the cringe with the overwhelming amount of white in the room. I don't even know what I got. I just ordered what Can ordered.

"Come on. I know they have a roof somewhere around here", he led me through a maze. I idly wondered how the heck he knew where he was going. My mind was still trapped on what Cecilia had said. That she died during Second impact. I had never really talked to them before and before they were not so cooperative. They were usually crying and moaning. I had accepted they were there but I began to ignore their cries. But now I see. They were crying about losing their loved ones but their souls were trapped. But they were trapped in me. But why? Why did I hear them? I'm a normal teenage boy…no wait.

I'm not…not anymore.

I followed Crane up the stairs and we made it to the rooftop.

"Ah", I heard him say. "I love going to rooftops at my old school", I nodded again as we sat down to eat.

"So Shinji do you have any family?" His lavender eyes turned to mine. _"Family",_ I thought to myself. Well…technically the guy still is my family.

"Yes, just my father", I number myself to not show anger.

"That's cool. I take it he works at Nerv"

"Yes"

"It must be nice to have a father around. I just have a father too. What's it like living together?"

"….we don't live together"

"Wow! Really, well who do you live with"

"By myself"

"Why? Why don't you live with your dad?"

"I…I don't know"

"You don't know why you can't live with your dad?"

"Yes"

"Is his job top secret or something?"

"Kind of I guess"

"Is he always busy?"

I shrugged.

"You don't seem to know that much about him"

"I've been living with my teacher for the past few years. I don't see my father that much"

"(Gasp). So you mean he abandoned you?"

It was my turn to gasp. I don't think anyone has actually used the term abandoned… well except for the prison. They used it all the time. "Yeah, I guess", I felt the beginning of rancid anger boiling up.

"He left you all alone with some guy you barely even know. Gee what a monster. Do you know why?"

"He had work", I snapped. The memories of my father's back and he retreated away from my crying form faded in. I was instantly livid. He is a monster!

"So he was too busy for you"

"Yes", I seethed

"Gee a parent too busy for their child. I wonder if he just stopped loving you"

"What?!"

"Oh come on. Obviously he doesn't care about you. He abandoned you and didn't even check up. That seems like a sign that he was either a coward, didn't love you or both", it definitely was a possibility…at least that is what I was told when I was at the prison.

"_I had always thought of the possibilities of him leaving me but I had never heard anyone else voice their opinions of the matter"_

He tapped his chin. "Maybe he had another woman on the side that didn't want children"

"I don't care what he had on the side. All I know is that he lived in some semblance of happiness without me around"

"Are you envious of him?", that struck a nerve.

"I'm not envious of him! I'm not envious of anyone especially some whore he has on the side. How can I be envious of the man who killed my mother? He abandoned me to that hell hole!" I was seeing red at the moment. I paced back and forward on the rooftop. How dare he call me envious?

"He abandoned you and lived happily without a care in the world. Hmmm…if my father left me like that I would be so angry but I would also be envious of the possible life I would have had with him. Ya know if he actually did want me around. I would have been happy. Instead he was so selfish that he only cared about his happiness. " he was on a roll. I could feel every cell in my body screaming from anger. His questions brought up so many memories. I wanted to hurt…something…no wait I wanted to hurt my father.

I wanted him dead. First he killed my mother. Then he puts me through hell and I couldn't even defend myself. And for what!? FOR WHAT!?

And once upon a time I believed in him.

**Out of POV**

_A little boy thrashed against chained connected to a wall. He was completely naked and struggling to break free. A large man with glasses and black hair talked on._

"_And exactly why do you still have hope in your father"_

"'_Cause he's my daddy! He'll come back for me"_

"_But he abandoned you"_

"_H-he said he had to work!"_

"_And leave you here with us"_

"_He just doesn't know I'm here"_

"_No he knows. That's why he left you."_

"_What?"_

"_He left you because you killed your mother"_

"_No! I didn't do anything. I want my mommy back"_

"_She gave up her life for you and what father in his right mind would want such a child"_

"_No…she didn't…I didn't want her too" the little boy began to cry. _

"_I want them back", he began to sob. "I want my mommy and daddy back"_

"_Well you are not getting them back. They do not love you anymore. And you deserve your punishment. You deserve death"_

_The man walked out of the room. He signaled to a group behind a large glass window above the small cell._

"_Wait…wait! Where are you going? I'm sorry. I don't want to die! I didn't want to hurt anyone. Please just let me go! Let me-"_

_A spherical steel ball came hurtling towards the boy and smashed against the side of his head- ending his pleas. _

**Shinji POV-**

"Maybe he was angry with you too. Maybe even jealous"

"Angry…Jealous…WHY?" I yelled at the boy. He shrugged.

"I just find the situation interesting. Jealousy and anger can easily corrupt a parent's love", I stood on the other side of the roof breathing deeply. Was that it? Did he really believe I killed my mother? Did he really blame me for her death?

Wait.

Why the heck is this kid asking all of these questions? Who is he?

"Why the hell do you care?" I asked the boy. "Why are you asking these questions?" I looked at Cane who stared blankly back at me. I opened my mouth to say something else but then the bell rung.

He quickly walked towards the door and I followed. My father's motivations and involvement in my life still pressed in the back of my mind but this kid was also important. I have this weird feeling that I have met him before but it isn't really a good feeling. And I just can't recall a memory.

We sat as the teacher began talking about second impact. The question about my piloting was still on the screen. I ignored it. I was so angry before that I did not realize just how weird that conversation had become. He went from asking me normal questions to going into things about my father. Things that I never really thought about. My eyes flickered over to him.

"_What is he?"_

"_Friend and Foe"_

"_He can't be both"_

"_But he is. He is friend now and foe later"_

"_I- I don't like this. I will not be friends with him. This is my life and I can at least choose my friends"_

"_As you have already learned. Your body is not yours alone anymore"_

"_Yes you share it with us. And you are needed"_

"_What? It is my body. I'm sorry you died but you cannot control my body"_

"_Oh really? You forget that this is my body too"_

"_And you forget that you are needed. We had a deal"_

I felt a small pin prick of heat in my heat that started to expand. The pencils became louder. The erasers began scratching like chalk on the board. The typing at computers began to sound like dinging bells. And instead of my suspicions with this boy my mind became flooded with anger and wrath. Thoughts that did nothing but arouse my anger and despair and then of course the voices came again.

"_You will help us"_

"_This is your parents fault!"_

"_I want revenge"_

"_We want them dead"_

"_No we want him dead"_

"_This is their fault and thus this is your fault"_

"_Kill him"_

"_I want revenge"_

"_I need revenge"_

"_Kill him"_

"_Kill her"_

"_Kill them all!_

"_Okay", _I answered. My head was reeling and I felt nauseas. I had to put my head on the table. I felt so cold and sad.

"_Okay I understand. Just be quiet a little",_

"_NO! You are not convinced! 15 years ago we were killed. Our souls stripped away from wars, famine and that giant of light. And ALL of it was because of man. And even through all the despair they still want to play God. They still want to kill more. We have to stop it. YOU have to stop it"_

"_Yes…okay I'll stop it…just calm down"_

"_Calm down. We will not calm down! Your mind has been wiped clear but it will return soon. And then you will remember your hatred. THEN you will remember your wrath! But as of now you we will deal with this because we have you going insane now can we!"_

"_You will fight!"_

"_Okay…okay I will fight"_

"_You will never let it happen again"_

"_Okay fine. It won't happen again"_

"_You will find out soon and you will come back to us"_

"_And you will come back to me too"_

And just like that it was quiet. I felt myself panting. That was so…horrible. It was like the small amount of happiness and hope was replaced with sorrow and anger. It was their sorrow and anger. They wanted justice for their lives and they wanted the people responsible to pay. They wanted vengeance. They wanted death.

But I wasn't ready to kill anyone. I didn't want to kill anyone. Not even…my father. I hated him but I don't really want him to die. I actually want him too…

No…no….that desire…for love was squashed long ago. He does not love me. He never will. He does not care about me and that he was the one to kill mother, not me. He does not deserve my forgiveness only my hate.

It still stands just like it had before. I am still alone.

* * *

The bell rung and I trudged out of the classroom. I was tired of their faces. Their peering eyes and curious smiles had turned to sneers and dirty glares due to my refusal to answer that stupid question. Why do they care anyway?

"Hey Shinji! Wait up", I heard a familiar voice. I kept walking. I didn't want to talk at the moment. I felt another harsh hand on my shoulder right at the same spot. I winced in pain.

"What?!" I yelled at him. He seemed unfazed.

"Funny enough we pass my house while walking to Nerve", he stated in a chipper tone. "So I can walk with you".

I really didn't want another repeat of today so I began to stop and attempted to turn on a different street.

As soon as I turned I felt a tug that was deep. Almost as if it touched my very being; my soul. My legs were made of lead. And a chill swept through my body. My body rigidly turned towards the original path. And my legs moved on their own accord.

"_We will force you if we have to"_

"_It is for your own good"_

If I had control over my body I would have had a full blown panic attack. I was walking without my own permission with this kid who I hated. What does this kid have to do with me and with them? Is he an angel or something and just in human form? I try to calm down and follow him along the quiet sidewalk. The more I resolve to walk with him the more I gain power over my own body. And the more curious I become of him.

"Here it is", he stops at a large home. His father must be quite wealthy since the east has rarely been as gracious with space at the west.

"Gosh it's hot. You want to come inside for some water", he said while fanning his self.

I had barely felt the heat but of course upon recognition I felt the sweltering rays. I nodded. Maybe he could actually give me more information about my memories since he seems so important to _them_.

He allowed me inside. On the inside the house was bare. Only the necessities remained. No pictures or paintings, rugs, vases, flowers, television. I didn't even really see much in the kitchen.

While looking around the light that was once pouring into the living room suddenly faded away.

I felt another cold chill down my spine. They forced me here, my curiosity forced me here but I really had a bad feeling.

I felt a sharp pain at the back of my neck and the world went black.

Out of POV

Cane Midori watched Shinji fall to the ground in the darkness with a sly smirk on his face.

"Stupid, pathetic humans…you always fall", a red spark cackled and swam along his body until an exact version of Shinji Ikari remained.

"With that one conversation I have realized your emotions, your demeanor even how you walk. We can't let that stupid doctor know anything special about you can we like your ability to regenerate".

He took Shinji's belongings and walked outside the house.

* * *

"Well Shinji your wounds are healing but a tad bit slower than I wanted them too", Ritsuko said with a tone of disappointment.

"Oh…sorry", the boy said with a depressed look.

"It's not your fault. Some people just heal slower than others", she touched his bare shoulder in an effort of comfort and he shivered. She shirked back but didn't see his smirk. _"She has so much jealousy. Wonder how fast she'll break",_ the boy thought.

"Oh right these scars", she jotted down something in her book. "How did you get these scars Shinji".

"Oh just around"

"What does that mean? You seemed to have had a relatively safe life with your teacher"

"Really? And where did you get that information"

"I am merely quoting from your father"

"So you don't really know what happened"

"Well, what happened Shinji", she sounded both annoyed and worried.

"How close are you to my father? Do you know him very well?" the boy changed the subject so abruptly that Ritsuko stuttered a response.

"I am merely Chief of Project E. That means I have a close professional relationship with your father", she stated slightly taken back.

"Really? You guys seem closer than just professional but then again so does my father and the first child", the boy kept his head bowed "He's seems to interact more with the first child…"

"That's enough! My relationship with your father is perfectly _professional _despite whatever rumors you have heard are wrong", she seethed. She almost wanted to stab you pen in the boy's back that was presently facing her.

"But you didn't say anything about Rei"

"Shinji Ikari! We are done now. You may leave", he hopped off the bed and quickly put on his shirt.

"Thanks for the check-up", he flicked his eyes back to her angry ones "See ya around", and with that he walked out.

Ritsuko was angry and stunned. The way Misato talked about him he seemed normal; like any teenage boy trying to play like a man but she never really thought he could be capable of such…there wasn't even a word for it. He was abnormal and he seemed to know more information than he let on.

"Gendo kept no surveillance over his son so could he be…is there a possibility that he might be an enemy?" she mumbled out loud.

She walked out quickly intent on telling Gendo about his son's strange behavior and weird scars.

The boy strolled out of Nerv as easily as he entered. "Humans and their pathetic emotions and their pathetic loneliness…(chuckle)…they will forever be nothing but waste of space. She is so lucky she is a part of the plan".

"Now that I have that ball rolling I know it won't be long before we can finally wake up the brat and stop Seele, Nerv and whatever other impudent little piece of nothing that stands in our way. But first we need the brat. He is the one that will keep this part of the world under control since it's so active while we keep the other continents under our thumb", the sun began to drift over to the west leaving the sky a lovely pink and orangish hue.

"Don't worry father. Just give me a little more time and everything will be going smoothly soon enough", the boy walked back to the house and noticed Shinji still knocked out cold on the floor.

* * *

Well that is another end to the chapter. Next we will see how the Gendo/Ritsuko conversation will play out. And we will also see how Shinji reacts with actually not going to see Dr. Akagi. I think I'm going to stop adding the Deadman wonderland info. It will be explained why it was added later and I think I'll just keep Raven/Leon as the character from that arc. It would be cool if some of you could figure out who Cane Midori might be…

And for those of you providing suggestions I'm not ignoring them they just wouldn't really fit with the story right now but they'll be added in later. Like how Shinji will snap at Misato or Ritsuko…especially after what happened…

Any way PLEASE REVIEW!


	8. Chapter 8

I don't own anything.

* * *

_"Aleister…Could you accept that maybe your father did not love you?"_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"I…I know it is hard for a young boy to hear that his father may not love him nor care but it is necessary to understand before moving on…"_

_"I…I understand…actually I understood a long time ago I think…but deep down I hoped I suppose"_

_"Of course, what child wouldn't want their first protector's love"_

A powerful jolt was felt by Shinji. He became consciously aware of his cotton filled head and a dull ache on his neck.

"Hey are you up Shinji", Cane spoke in a frazzled tone but his voice was muffled in Shinji's ears. The blurriness began to separate and in its place was darkness partially illuminated by a darkening sky.

"I was so worried. I thought I would have to call an ambulance or my dad", Cane said with a relieved sigh.

"What-What happened", Shinji finally spoke after a groan. He lifted himself off the hard floor and felt stiff. The last thing he remembered was walking into the empty house. "Well you walked in and just fainted. I thought it was probably heat stroke or something because it was really hot", Cane said.

Shinji looked around once more and noticed that there were few lamps in the room and the light was yellow in the dark thus giving the room an eerie vibe. "I didn't even feel an-" Shinji stopped with a jolt when his memory decided to come back.

"Oh wait Dr. Akagi", Shinji frantically looked around with wide eyes "What time is it Cane?"

"Well it is a little past six…who's Dr. Akagi?", Cane looked fully bewildered.

"I have to go…now", Shinji grabbed his bag and ran out of the house.

Cane tried to protest but Shinji was far outside where his voice would not have been heard.

Cane kept his confused and innocent façade until he knew Shinji would not turn around. His face lifted to a dirty smile and he closed the front door. He walked to the plain phone and dialed a number.

"Well phase 1 is in action. I will continue to make sure he is isolated while trying to keep him comfortable or at least interested in my presence. His guardian though in the dark is snoopy but his interest will keep him from following her order. He seems to be quite curious so the dummy memories are starting to wear off", He spoke into the phone and his cute boyish voice changed into something that was neither male nor female. "Hmm…well just keep Father in formed. We have to ensure that this time the brat won't get away again".

He hung up the phone and continued to sit in the yellowed darkness.

* * *

Shinji ran down the block towards Nerv but then realized the fruitlessness of his running. It was after six meaning that Dr. Akagi was already gone. He grabbed at his hair. Misato was already on him about not calling and stuff- even though he knew those robotic S2 agents probably watched him like a hawk.

He eventually slowed to a solemn walk and turned directions toward his home- which he hoped he would still be able to stay in after today.

He silently hoped that Misato was understanding when he talked to her. But of course something irked him about the whole incident earlier. Cane's home looked like…a show. The outside was opulent and wealthy looking but the inside was empty and bland. Almost as if no one really lived there and it was just a hoax. But why? The voices decided to just keep their moaning instead of being their normal vocal selves. He wanted to ask them but shouldn't they already know his questions?

He couldn't even formulate a question about Cane because the kid was so weird and his vibe's threw Shinji for a loop multiple times. He was supposed to be his friend and also his foe. He did not understand such a combination.

His musings stopped as he entered his apartment building and walked up the stairs.

"Hey kid", a gruff voice was heard down the dim hallway. The hairs on Shinji's back stood before the voice was registered. Leon came into the light with a smirk on his face. "Your guardian came by, she seemed pretty angry but hopefully I was able to help her calm down some", he stated with a chuckle at the end.

"Oh… Leon thanks", Shinji said with full gratitude and a slight nervousness. Despite his previous relationship with Leon he wasn't use to such blatant acts of kindness. Suddenly his light hearted mood stopped. He felt the urge to talk to Leon about the strange occurrences but of course it was quickly squashed when he remembered that he would have to tell him about hearing voices.

"Something on your mind kid", Leon stopped with a curious eye.

Shinji snapped out of his stupor and crushed to desire for companionship "No thanks…uh thanks again for helping me with Misato", Shinji quickly opened his door and ran inside.

He dialed Misato's phone number. She picked up immediately

"Hello",

"Misato! Hi how are you?"

"Oh Shinji I am fine. What about you", Shinji almost dropped the phone. No yelling or threats. She actually just sounded normal.

"W-well I am good I guess. Um…I-I'm sorry about today. I was with a friend and",

"Oh its fine Shinji especially if you were with a friend", she stated flippantly.

"Oh…really…well I just didn't want you and Dr. Akagi to be angry", he stated confused.

"No I'm not angry and you were with friends; that is okay. You need to make friends and Ritsuko shouldn't be angry either", she stated with a slight confusion at the end.

"Well…uh…okay. I will talk to you in the morning", he stated

"Well actually you can just call me once a day from now on okay. I'm not your mom or anything", Shinji was almost convinced this new Misato was an alien abductee. "Why the change of heart?" he had to know.

"I just think that maybe I was a little too harsh before and I had a talk with the officer so I feel much calmer", she stated calmly and slightly distant.

"Oh okay well I will talk to you later Misato",

"Yep have a good night sleep…Oh wait Shinji!"

"Yes"

"Due to impending attacks you have to start training tomorrow. I know you are not totally healed but Dr. Akagi believes that the last test was just a fluke and that you will be fine"

"…"

"Shinji did you hear that"

"Yes"

"Okay well good night"

He hung up the phone.

He gave a soft sigh. He wasn't ready to go back. He knew he had to go back eventually but he wasn't ready yet. He wasn't ready to see her yet. But he had to.

On a good note he was happy about Misato's tone. He wondered if they simply rescheduled his appointment with Dr. Akagi. He was so happy that Misato didn't try to force him to stay with her. Her drinking habits, skimpy clothes and all around lack of understanding of personal space would just make his life miserable due to just the sheer amount of awkwardness.

"Me living with Misato? Now that is a bad joke" he spoke out loud with a small chuckle as he got ready for bed.

On the other end Misato hung up the phone with a small sigh. He seemed to take the phone call's seriously. She remembered the conversation the officer had with her earlier.

_"I am so mad I don't know what to do. I tell him to call. He doesn't. Doesn't he understand that some people actually do care about him? Doesn't he understand that if anything happens to him we are all screwed?", Misato stomped up the stairs in an angry flurry._

_She reached Shinji's door and pounded. Her anger increasing with each pound that did not have the reward of a door opening. "He should have been home now and Ritsuko did not call me stating that he did not come to her office", she thought._

_"He's not home", she turned to a gruff voice to find the last person she wanted to see- Mr. Officer._

_"And how do you know he's not at home", she asked with slit eyes already suspicious of him._

_"I usually have a small break when school lets out so I thought I might make sure my new neighbor is protected". He stated._

_"He doesn't need your protection", she said through partially clenched teeth. She was wary of him the first time she saw him. He seemed…wild and potentially dangerous even though he was a police officer. His eyes were just so strange._

_"I know Nerv has their own private security sector but they can't really monitor what is happening inside buildings…only outside", He stated with a thoughtful lift of his head "That is why I am around", Misato countered "I am his guardian"._

_"While that is correct, Shinji doesn't live with you. Thus something could happen like he could get sick or accidently hurt himself and you wouldn't be around to help", he reasoned._

_She glowered at him and his reason._

_"I'm a cop so it is my duty to protect and serve. I also like to live so it makes sense to protect one of the people needed to ensure my survival", he reasoned again._

_Misato let out a breath. He had a point but she still didn't trust him. "I understand your reasoning Officer but I am perfectly fine with taking care of Shinji"._

_"I'm not saying that you are deficient in your guardian duties", he flipped his hand around "But it would probably do him well to have a male in his life. It doesn't seem like his dad was around so a supportive male role model might be helpful. And Shinji is also in the age where he might not be so obedient at times in an attempt to find his individuality. He might feel more comfortable talking with me than you who seem to provide a more motherish figure", he ended partially waiting for her anger._

_"I…", she began but then lowered her head in angered defeat. "I'll think about your words Officer", her bangs overcast her eyes but she could hear his parting greetings along with the door shutting. She leaned against the door and thought._

_ He had a strong point. A male figure would probably help Shinji and a less domineering attitude would also be helpful. Her own teenage years were not normal but for most children they do go through a rebellious type phase and a male figure might help steer the boy better. She reasoned the thoughts that Officer Munroe brought up. She was worried about this type of relationship back firing because while she could list the Officer as a possible acquaintance in the boy's life if the Officer proves distrustful it will be totally on her head._

_But if Shinji really offered his trust to the man and was so easily disturbed by her demand that he not see the Officer then there is a chance her demand might not be heeded at all. Even if Shinji did move in with her the boy's track record for running away along with other possible psychological issues would increase the chance of Shinji meeting with the Officer. He was obviously influenced by the man, as any young boy would be with such a macho figure. _

_But he was influenced so quickly and stood up for the man so effortlessly that there seemed to be something off or maybe the boy was just too naïve…but at the same time Shinji didn't strike her as being necessarily naïve._

_So this situation could very well be out of her control. She pinched her nose and her body yearned for a drink. Something did not seem totally right but she decided to give the kid a little more room._

_She decided to go back home for the night and wait for the phone call._

Leon sat at his table with the moonlight shining through. A cup of cooling coffee sat in front of him. He looked to be deep in thought in the moon illuminated darkness of his apartment. He felt like he saved a life today. The life was Misato Katsuragi. The woman was the epitome of overbearing and she obviously had little trust in him. But what she did not understand and what practically no one at Nerv understood was that Shinji Ikari was being targeted. He was targeted ever since he was born due to his parent's involvement in the impact.

On the surface it seemed like a simple revenge plot but of course there are many puppets. It seemed like they wanted the boy just to make him suffer for his parent's crimes but actually they needed him. They needed every person who was deemed a Deadman. They had a certain disposition to fulfill the plan of the puppeteer. A plan that involvement an archaic, silent but powerful scientific art called alchemy. He had a loose understand of the power behind alchemy but he did know that many of the earth's inhabitants or the Lilum could not perform alchemy. They restricted knowledge about alchemy to what they only wanted their select chosen few to know. This would limit opposition.

But it also meant danger to anyone who would snoop anywhere close to their business. Since Shinji is Misato's business she would be in danger. If Misato really did keep a strong tally on the boy she would find things off with him and would of course become more curious. Soon she would probably find out something that she wasn't suppose to know and that would quickly end in her death. Or they would probably just kill her quickly before anything could occur.

Luckily the opposition is still in movement despite the memory setback by Shinji. The boy was in the main puppet of the organization; he was both in danger and in a checkmate position. The organization would have to intervene which is the dangerous part but they would never kill the boy; he was too important. The ball would actually start moving. There is no turning back. As soon as Shinji finally got all of his memory back the pieces can be set back up.

"Soon Shinji…no wait", he said with a small smile "Aleister, you will be ready to come back to us".

* * *

Ritsuko never really forgot the words of Shinji. His words stung her like his father wooed her. And the hinted at the relationship between her and Gendo…and she knew there could really not be any way he could know such information. They always kept things so professional and the only passion she could ever receive from Gendo was when they were making love. Or at least she believed it was love.

The sting in her heart told her that she would always be second best or even… third best.

Ritsuko knew from experience that Gendo slept but it was nights like these when she questioned such a conviction. The sub-commander had gone home but Gendo, like always, usually lingered in his office. His jacket was off showing his red turtle neck encased in tan suspenders. He swirled a glass of bourbon in his hand.

"Commander Ikari, I have some concerning news regarding your son", she knew he never liked to beat around the bush.

"Oh?", he turned around placing his drink on the desk.

"Yes. His psychological demeanor is drastically different from the initial hypothesis", she was almost shaking with anger. She severely disliked the child for some reason and the dislike almost paralleled with Rei…almost.

He sat in his usual posture "How so?"

"He seems to be more aggressive and less anti-social", she paused for her next question "He doesn't show the personality of a child raised by a more or less indifferent teacher. He seems like maybe there was some interference. I worry that maybe one of our opposers could have influenced him", she ended. She was slightly nervous about his response.

"That is a serious accusation Dr. Akagi. Is your evidence just based on personality traits?"

"No. During his check-up he…seemed to know more than what we expected him to know. He was also pointedly sly and secretive. He also has weird scars along his body. They are light but practically everywhere on his body. When I asked him about the scars he implied that there could be a possibility that his life might not have been as safe a suspected or that he didn't live with his teacher at all times".

"I see", Gendo stated flippantly as if he had such conviction in his analysis of his son that no other outside party could interfere "I will check with his teacher about such abnormalities".

Ritsuko was slightly taken back by his attitude especially when she found his son so disturbing.

"I see you have stopped testing", he stated as he turned his body to once again look out towards the Geofront.

The statement took her by surprise because of the quick change of subject "Yes sir, due to his injuries I-"

"Take him off such a leave. Rei performs fine with such injuries and so can he. He is a pilot and should not be cuddled because of some injuries", he stated with a tone of finality.

Ritsuko was about to speak but judged against it at the last minute "Yes sir". She waited for any other orders or maybe a possible drop from such a cold, business demeanor but found none. And thus she walked out of the large office.

Gendo sat at his desk looking out the window. He greatly disliked his fatherly duties and was more suited to being a Commander. He left his son to the teacher because he busy and he didn't have time for a needy child.

He didn't intentionally plan to use Shinji but he needed to make sure the boy would be a good back-up if for some reason Rei could not be used. He thought of Yui's brother but the man could provide too much love for the boy and also could turn the boy against him. Gendo didn't need a rebellious child; he needed a child who yearned for his affection so much that he would do anything. So an indifferent teacher was the best course of action.

Dr. Akagi's assertions did make him curious. He was certain that any opposition could not have been brave enough to actually attack the commander of Nerv's son. His son's attitude after the angel attack was also a surprise. He also knew that any opposition found was quickly snuffed out. But the scars did make him curious. At best his son's demeanor could simply be a ruse to hide a more devious character but as long as he piloted it would have little to do with the present course.

He gave a deep sigh and called a number that he hoped to never call again after sending the letter. The phone seemed to ring forever but he knew that the late night would not impede the progress of the conversation. A person picked up and with a gruff voice:

"Hello"

"Good morning Professor Kazaki", the strange greeting wasn't entirely wrong since technically it was early the next the day.

"Hmmm….I thought it was you Ikari. Need me to take the boy back?" the voice had a hard edge to it. Gendo could personally care less what the man thought of him as long as it didn't affect the boy's perception.

"No, no. I just have a few questions", he heard an annoyed sound at the other end. Gendo could care less about his other duties also.

"The boy has scars on his body", there was silence on the other end.

"Scars?"

"Yes, scars. I was told that he has multiple, old scars on his body. What information do you know of this?"

"Well, sometimes he got into fights when he was younger and he was a little adventurous at times leading to injuries but nothing too great"

"What was his demeanor like? Or his personality"

"His demeanor was…well he was a very quiet boy. Stayed in his room mostly and ran away at times"

"Was he ever at any time devious?"

"Well no more than any other boy his age under the circumstances", Gendo ignored the small jab.

"Would you be available for questioning later in person about such information?"

"Wait, why would I have to come in person?"

"Oh, just standard procedure"

"Humph. Sure, fine", there was a sense of disbelief in his tone that Gendo chose to ignore. It's not like the guy could run anywhere due to his involvement with Nerv. Gendo Ikari had much pride in his organization and his work.

So much pride that it overlapped into blind arrogance.

"Thank you for your time Professor", the phone hung up without a response.

Unknown to Gendo, as soon as the phone hung up Professor Kazaki began quickly packing.

Gendo hung up and was for now satisfied. He would simply order more observation for his son to create a more updated profile of his character.

* * *

Shinji continued to go to school like normal but as the voices quieted he felt more and more lost. He dreaded the next test but he remembered something from last time. When the Eva tried to connect a wall appeared and the others within him created a barrier. If he himself concentrated on strengthening the barrier then maybe he could ward off any further intrusion from the Eva.

School was a blur. His memories cropped up and replaced his reality at times. He focused on a little each day. As he sat in physics he couldn't help but remember how he was forced to learn such concepts at such a young age and how he would be severely punished for making a mistake. Though the school classes were boring it re-jogged some of his memories.

He learned many of the basic concepts and it wasn't too hard to manipulate the equations to understand certain applications. The same with Chemistry.

He had to memorize the physical make up of matter and how charges interact with each other and this led to an understanding of carbon. He remembered drawing so many little methyl groups attached to rings attached to carbonyl groups. Chemisty and physics was all they really taught him. With those two subjects he learned how to read, write and perform mathematical equations. At each stage of learning physics or chemistry any mathematical formulations or reading difficulties that arose were dealt with at that moment. There were no separate classes.

They had stopped his participation in the Carnival Corpse after testing his abilities in the lab. They deemed him "special" and moved him to block G. He learned Chemistry and Physics all day until he became angry at his tutor's treatment and killed the man with a burst of blades that cut the man to ribbons. After that he was isolated to his room with nothing but books. His memory brought up blurred images. Every once in a while he was taken out for more testing and training. They kept the name osprey because his the formation of blades from his blood. They always surprised people and could cut through thin steel. The pain was never-ending because it was the main factor in drawing his power.

His memories were a boring continuation of study, testing, training, eating and sleeping. That is until he started receiving letters about a prison break from an unknown guard.

He frequently ignored his peers and spent as little time as he possibly could. But one person just wouldn't leave him alone, Cane. Cane followed him everywhere and made no intention stop. They ate lunch together and sat in class together. Cane seemed to be blissfully unaware as he talked about class, his father or whatever else was on his mind. He seemed particularly sad about not being able to walk Shinji home that day.

* * *

Shinji walked into the Nerv locker room. He checked for his assigned plug suit and it was still white. I felt a twinge of hate for Dr. Akagi. It's not like it would have bankrupted Nerv to change the color of the suit. He had completely forgot about visiting Dr. Akagi.

He slipped it on and walked towards the simulation lab. As he walked in he noticed the observation window. Dr. Akagi, Misato and… the Commander were present. His anger rose at seeing that man again. The feelings probably would never go away.

A strange feeling did arise though. As his hate increased he felt more comfortable. This same feeling was something he felt in the prison and it gave him a weird sense of confidence because he simply stopped caring. He felt a strange urge to smile at the feeling. His present self and his past self had never felt so in-tune.

The plug was washed in red water and he began trying to concentrate. The voices murmured but were present. He knew they were listening and he silently asked for their help to build a fortress around his mind. He felt doubt as he began to accept them due to the fact that he could not remember them from his blurred past.

He felt a shift inside and there was a soft murmur of agreement.

In a few seconds he felt disconnected from the plug. It was a weird feeling but it felt comforting like it has happened even before he was in the Eva.

"Okay Shinji we are about to start"

"Sure"

A force immediately hit his subconscious. It pushed against his head trying to make him conform. It tried to push in cries and memories of a past that he did not care to hear about. Of a person he did not care to know about anymore. He did not relay any of his memories.

It pushed harder and he pushed harder. It was a strange fight for dominance. The monster could not win. It was his body and his mind. The living monster was not allowed to come fully inside. Only enough to work together.

And finally the pushing stopped. Ending at a stalemate.

This weird stance seemed to last forever. Shinji gradually became used to the pressure and adjusted himself accordingly. The pressure never let up but Shinji could manage.

"Good job, Shinji! Your Sync ratio is 94%! I told you this one would be better", he heard Misato's voice.

"Okay Shinji we are done", Dr. Akagi's voice followed shortly after.

The monster was finally forced to sleep. The pressure disappeared instantly. The immediately removal jolted Shinji and gave him a small headache.

He smiled. Finally a battle that he could win and had control over.

Unfortunately he had to keep up with the training every day to make up for the "lost time" he spent recovering according to Misato. That order came directly from the Commander. The hate for the man somehow grew a little more.

He continued school like usual but of course the Cane problem was uncomfortable.

Shinji could not really explain his feelings about Cane. He felt cautious but yet the presence was familiar. He felt endangered but his curiosity and the feelings that arose from the others kept him in his place.

And so he barely listened to Cane's words and Cane never asked any more strange questions. And all the while the students began to alienate both. The feeling of loneliness caused a yearning for more companionship from Shinji. No matter how insipid his peers were he wondered what it would be like if he did make friends like a normal kid.

But yet he did nothing about it because the loneliness created a comforting familiarity and he needed something comforting at a time when he barely knew who he was. His memories and past life botched and sewed creating his now dissociative identity.

But this is how the weeks went. Cane stuck to Shinji like glue and Shinji trying to remember another world through blackened memories. Every day Shinji spent hours in Nerv training. He fought against the pressure and the demon relinquished control over to him. He really believed the monster didn't really like him but kept commanding for some reason.

The thing was definitely alive due to such psychological pressure. It was not simply a robot. It had some type of motivation to keep Shinji in control. Shinji was always agitated when entering the Eva. He never felt safe…especially since his own mother was around.

The monotonous days of school and Nerv were broken when the class jock decided to follow Cane and Shinji to lunch on the roof.

"Hey new kid", both boys turned around.

"Not you Midori, Ikari I'm talking to you", Shinji rolled his eyes and turned. He was always in an agitated state. He picked it up in the prison and he felt most comfortable being seconds away from punching someone.

"I have heard from some special intel that you are the new Eva pilot, ya know", his arms were folded and his head lifted in an attempt to look buff.

"What if I am"

"Well I don't take kindly to people like you. Stomping around like you're in a big toy and not caring what happens to others"

"What? I have no idea what you are talking about", the jock's face reddened.

"I'll spell it out for you. Your big toy almost killed my sister. You are directly responsible", he said like a bull ready to charge.

"How the hell was I suppose to know I hurt your sister?! It's not like I was trying to aim for her. I WAS trying to defend human-", Shinji immediately cut off his sentence as a fist rushed towards his face.

"Hey what are you doing?" Cane's frantic voice echoed. "Aw come on Midori it's nothing personal", Freckles replied.

Freckle's smug look disappeared as Shinji's knee connected to Toji's stomach. The boy lifted into the air in classic motion to Newton's laws. Shinji felt a surge of glee and he had to smile. The feeling of beating someone gave him the power he remembered. The way the guards, scientist whoever was around that did not have the power to stop him held such a huge amount of fear. The same fear he had when powerless was transferred to them and that gave him such satisfaction.

A swift fist connected to Toji's cheek. Shinji did not want his toy to stop working so soon so the hit was not enough to knock him out. Toji fell to the ground in a huff and immediately cradled his middle section. His breathing was quite heavy.

Shinji looked down with great satisfaction and could not erase the smile from his face.

"Ha, I guess your friend's not as strong as he thought he was", Cane's voice could be heard in the background.

Shinji could think of nothing more than causing the boy on the ground more pain for even attempting to cause him some. But a voice interrupted him.

"Shinji, we are needed at Nerv", a soft eerie voice spoke. Shinji's head whipped around towards the intruder. Ayanami gave a surprised look and spoke "I will meet you at headquarters".

He returned to normal and took a quick glance at Toji. Freckles was leaning over him with a look of worry. Cane looked particularly proud of the scene as he looked at the two.

Shinji's glee and anger dissipated slightly as he looked at the two boys. Shinji had an odd feeling of guilt. Something entirely foreign.

He could not dwell on it for too long because the sirens began to blare.

Shinji turned and ran down the stairs towards Nerv. He distinctly heard "Come on Toji, we have to get to a shelter" and "I'll see you later Shinji" from Cane.

Shinji thought the comment sounded strange.

* * *

Well this will be the last Chapter with Shinji not remembering his memories. The next chapter will include the alchemical aspect of things. Cane's real form will be revealed and also some more info on the secret organization will be revealed. So if you waited this long to see when FMA would come in well you are about to get it full on.

Thank you all of my readers and reviewers. Your comments and support are greatly appreciated. And please continue with reviews.


	9. Chapter 9

Thank you all of my faithful readers! I am happy that I can provide you with a small amount of pleasure from reading my stories. I hope you continue to review and provide feedback. I have decided that when the Deadman powers are being referenced they will be called blood bending. Technically they are bending their own blood and more information on the importance of this one technique and how it relates to alchemy will be spoken about in later chapters. This chapter is fully getting into Shinji's history along with some of the organizations that are for or against the Human Instrumentality project. You will be introduced to two main divisions under Seele. You will also be given some history lessons. I think it would be confusing that some human beings that came from Lillith have the power to perform alchemy while others cannot so…yeah you'll have to read a little about that in the story :D. You might recognize some characters from FMA who I have put into the story. I have decided to keep their personas and appearance but their names will be different. And well enjoy the chapter!

* * *

As the sirens began to wail I began to run to Nerv. I had mixed feelings about my fight with that jock. At first it felt great. Punching someone and making them feel the pain they were trying to inflict upon me was exhilarating, empowering. It was the same glee I felt when I killed the personnel in prison. The sense of power and the feeling that I could finally get to hurt the ones who so wanted to hurt me. But did I go too far with the jock? Though he had declared himself my enemy he wasn't from prison. He was a kid like me. One who was substantially weaker because he probably only has had training in street fights in the school yard while I had to perform basically survival training.

I saw Nerv and pushed the thoughts aside for now. I wasn't sorry about beating up the kid but the same level of happiness that would have occurred in the past was not present.

I ran into the locker and found my ugly white plug suit. I should probably bring it up later on about asking for it to be black instead of the aggravating color.

I ran to the cages and was quickly placed inside my new prison. At least I got the chance to get out of it once in a while.

The red liquid filled the cages. I lifted my head trying to stave off the impending "breathing" of the liquid. As it touched the skin of my neck I felt my skin crawl. It was a creepy sensation. I usually ignored it but at first contact it always lasted. It wasn't like worms on my skin but instead worms in my body. Moving around in chaos trying to occupy some space to alleviate their anxiety. It brought a niggle into the back of my brain of a past I could still not remember. Finding out the truth could be an obsession if I had the resources to make it one but I couldn't really remember anything except for the word "Alchemy" and circles. And I have yet to find anything about it.

My lungs yearned for air as I vainly held my breath but of course I gave in. The red liquid filled my body and the copper taste settled on my tongue. I could taste it plainly. It tasted like blood. After each previous training session I scrubbed myself raw trying to get the smell that permeated my skin off. I tried to convince myself that there was no way this stuff could be blood because of the simple fact that I can breathe it like oxygen. And where would they get so much blood anyway.

I began to concentrate waiting for the impending pressure that I always felt. The battle for psychological dominance. This creature, this being, the Eva seemed to really want to come in. I felt its pressure like tentacles pressing upon my psyche. I allowed it a shallow entrance. I don't like expelling any of my previous life to anyone connected to Nerv and I am still fearful of the second time I was placed in the creature. The screaming of a woman who I cannot remember and do not want to remember. Her voice frantic but yet she should be dead. Or at least that is what I was always told in Wonderland. She was dead and I killed her. I can't even remember her face.

I felt it. It was the same pressure every time. It was not gradual, no, instead it was jarring. The Eva came in demanding my submission hoping to catch me unguarded. That worried me immensely. If it had a plan to enter so violently what would it do inside of me. Would I come out normal? Would I come out at all?

And just like every other time. It decreased it's pressure and accepted an equilibrium of sorts. I have my half and it has it's half.

I heard mumblings about my sync ratio but I tuned them out. As long as this thing moved I wasn't budging. I was in this fight to protect and prevent another impact not for Nerv's amusement. My purpose was shaky because I didn't care at all about anyone at Nerv except maybe Misato at times. I also have to keep reminding myself that I still have to protect Leon at least. That is one person. I also have to remember all the people who keep popping up in my head…all the dead people in my head. More blurry images or outright refusals of my memory as to how they ended up. I know it has a tie to that alchemy thing but I can't remember how.

Misato's voice crackled in "Ready Shinji?"

Just as her voice finished a memory was forced through.

_"Are you ready?" the voice sounded like Leon but the face was overshadowed. "'Don't tell this to anyone but I'm glad I found you. After the riots I became very worried. I thought I lost you back there forever but—"_

"Shinji! Do you hear me?" Misato's voice screamed through. She sounded a little peeved.

"Yeah, you don't have to yell. I'm not deaf you know", could have sworn I heard growling on the other line.

I concentrated on remembering. Since the prison was one of torture and pain for amusement I was never given the opportunity to work with actual weapons. I had my own weapons due to my blood bending and I fought with those only. I never learned how to use a gun so I again I was slightly anxious. Here I was fighting this alien with a completely foreign weapon.

I remember Dr. Akagi's voice instructing me on how to use it in simulation but I honestly had other problems on my mind so I simply shut down. I followed orders plainly while I internally battled with my pre-existence.

I wish I had paid attention a little more.

* * *

"But Toji this is our only chance! We can't just stay here tucked away in this shelter while someone risks their lives for us! We have to see it!", Kensuke cried.

"No, Kensuke you want us to get killed or something. There is a reason why shelters were created", the jock yelled back too embarrassed to say that he was too sore to really make the trek to the battle grounds.

"Oh I see. You are hurt pretty bad huh?" Kensuke tried another tactic.

"What do ya mean? I'm not hurt just don't want to get killed", the jock seethed while trying not to wince as his bruises stretched as he moved.

"Well the new kid, decked you pretty good. He was a pretty good fighter too. I guess it would be too much to ask you to walk way up there with your injuries?" the speckled boy continued while playing with his camcorder.

Toji continued to grind his teeth as his ego was attacked.

"And then to watch that kid who beat you up continue to show his prowess with beating up the enemy. (Whistle) Toji, as your best friend I understand. You should just lie- Ah!" before Kensuke could finish his sentence Toji grabbed his color and yanked him up.

In a strained but hushed whisper he said "I am perfectly fine and I will show you", he crossed his arms in finality and Kensuke couldn't help the large grin on his face.

The two began to smoothly walk out of the shelter before a strong hand touched Kensuke's shoulder. He turned and saw Midori starring at him with mischievous eyes "I'm coming too or I'll tell".

* * *

"Okay Shinji just remember: Neutralize the AT field", Dr. Akagi spoke through. I held back a chuckle. I could barely remember what that this did. I really should have paid attention more.

"Eva launch!" Misato yelled and I was catapulted to the top. The gun holster immediately popped out of the mountain side and I grabbed it quickly. I looked up to the angel. The last one at least had a human body but I can't even describe what this one looked like. It was like snake and centipede combination. The head was like a cobra but it had arms like a bug. Nothing but a pure abomination.

"Center the target and FIRE!"the shots came out quickly and continuously. It hit the angel dead on. I didn't realize my mistake until all the smoke fully obscured my vision. I couldn't see it anymore!

* * *

"Look at all that smoke. He must have hit it. This is the battle of a lifetime", Kensuke yelled as he taped the entire event.

"That's an angel…looks gross", Toji spoke. Neither paid attention to the third party who starred with an insane grin on his face. He took great glee with looking at the battle. Like an overzealous, insane child who had finally won his prize. He looked ready to pounce. But where no one knew nor paid attention?

* * *

**"**Calm down Shinji, stop firing", Misato cried. Too late for that because I could barely see the sky with all the smoke. But what I could see to quickly to react were bright bands of light. They snapped the gun in half before my instincts kicked in. I felt myself pushed backwards from the light but regained by posture before falling.

"I'm sending up a spare rifle Shinji", I heard Misato yell. Two bands of light shot out as the rifle burst from the ground. One grabbed my leg and lifted me from the ground, my hand barely touching the rifle that was quickly cut in two by the light. I was lifted up and forced back down. My hands shot out and braced myself on the ground before flipped forwards. Before I landed on my feet two more tentacles whipped out at me knocking me down.

I could feel the pain like it was happening to me. Even with limited sync I could still feel every lift, trash, and cut like it was my own skin. This thing was fast and thought quickly. It seemed to be more than an alien but yet I don't think it came from outer space. I was immediately thought back to the carnival corpse. The opponents were also quick and fast. And just like this it could end in life or death. Except this time I could not use my own body but instead this creature. This clunky being who I could barely work at times.

My head hit the solid concrete and I swore my real head had a bruise. I felt slightly dazed. I looked up to see building snapped like a child lego set. I popped myself back up trying to find a weak spot but was quickly whipped onto my back.

I then remember something from the prison. Another deadmen who used her blood like tentacles. She was hard because I could not fight her from a distance but once I got close enough I could land one on her. I have to somehow get close enough to this angel. The tentacles come out on the sides thus it's center must be slightly exposed.

I smirked. Just like the battle with the other girl I knew this was going to hurt also. But I wasn't going to be defeated. I wasn't going to die no matter who wanted me too. I can control that much of my life.

"Umbilical cord severed! Shinji you have 4 minutes and 30 seconds to defeat the angel", I almost smirked as I flipped backwards onto my wobbly feet. 'Of course', I thought mentally. The nice thing about the carnival corpse was not worries about actual time but I guess counting how many minutes until you lost blood could be something.

A tentacle came and I dodged it but it knew my course of action as the second tentacle grabbed my neck. I immediately began to feel the constriction and my hands rushed to free my neck. I began to urgently wish the Eva could channel my blood somehow so I could get out of this mess. My feet immediately left the ground and I was flung into the air once again.

This time I landed into a mountain side. Again I was dazed and I almost blacked out. I quickly lifted myself up despite my protest. In my line of vision I saw something that broke my concentration. They looked like those two boys from school. Actually no wait there were three: Toji, Kensuke and Midori!

My hand barely missed them. Two were cowering like normal humans but one remained focus, almost directly looking into my eyes though this Eva, inhuman. I had long been blocking out the voices from the command center until one was frantic. I immediately saw a shadow loom over me as I regained my concentration in the battle. The monster swam over me like a snake through the grass. I knew I really had to do something now. I didn't really like the three boys but I didn't want their deaths on my head either.

The two tentacles shot out and, knowing I couldn't run, I grabbed them. My hand felt like it was being corroded by hot acid as the light burned into the Eva's armor.

I couldn't stand up to fight back. Actually I couldn't do anything at all without fear of squashing those three. I heard yelling from the command center but again I tried to block them out. My hand was burning and of course my head was about to split in two from the Eva trying to gain a better sync to fight the Angel. So I decided to remove the guys myself.

The plug vertically rolled from the Eva and I quickly yelled for the three to get in. They scrambled in as fast as they could complain o f the LCL.

And now I could finally continue

I heard something about unauthorized personal in the entry plug but at the moment I still couldn't care.

I heard so much talking in the background. "SHUT UP! I'm trying to concentrate", I heard some angry grumblings but for the most part it became quiet.

"Idiot! You are supposed to ask me for orders. You had any number of options", I heard Misato yell on the other line. I didn't care about asking I had to get this thing off me. Who cares as long as this thing is dead!

I kicked the angel into a pile of already broken buildings and catapulted back. I affirmed my previous suspicion: its center is a weak point. I just have to aim for the red ball.

"Fall back! Use retrieval route 34- Fall back to the eastern side of the mountain", a cacophony of voices were arising. I heard two distinct voices in the back along with Misato's order to retreat.

The problem is that I never had the option to retreat. I never had any options. I had to follow someone's orders or I was hurt. I resent authority…or better yet I resent adults and their authority. They feel entitled and protected. They can push around those who are smaller just like the prison guards, scientist and warden at Wonderland.

Unfortunately for Misato and everyone else in this group I don't really follow orders well anymore.

And besides who exactly was going to kill this thing or hold it off while I recuperate, Rei? She barely had one eye and arm. Who knows what her innards look like? No, I cannot start retreating now. I have to kill it now.

The knife arose from my shoulder plate, I took it and I ran. I needed to kill that thing. It was right there. Weakened and hopefully afraid. I wished it had a face so I could see its fear. Instead I replaced it's white mask with that of the scientist I frequently killed in Wonderland. I was exhilarating and unlike the schoolyard brawl I felt no guilt.

I lunged onto it and plunged the knife into its core. It was harder than I suspected but no matter. I bet if it had a voice it would screaming but of course I filled it in with my past victims or it could have been the boys screaming in the background.

I felt something burning in my stomach. I looked down and in its last effort for life two tentacles were thrust through my Eva. I couldn't blame it for at least trying but I would not die. I would not allow it to overpower me like so many had done before.

I pressed the knife harder. Sparks flew from the core in replace of blood but of course I filled in the blood from my past victims. It continued its onslaught on my stomach while I continued to plunge deeper. At the end of the day I had the upper hand. It had missed my core and aimed for my stomach, a bad move just proving that my previous calculation of its weakness for correct. I couldn't even aim right if I am close enough just like that girl in the Carnival Corpse.

Eventually the bright red core dimmed and the angel stopped moving. It was finally dead and its light disappeared from my stomach. I breathed and my blood continued to pump. The feeling of victory over my aggressors, my wannabe executioners were present. I felt the pressure leave my skull and I knew that my own Eva was dead too. I oddly remembered that I was on a countdown. I probably only had a few more seconds until I was forced to shut down. All this technology and they could only get this creature to work for a few minutes without power.

"Ikari, are you alright", I heard a sympathetic voice. It was Toji's. 'Are you alright' that phrase brought too many flashbacks of the few people who truly cared for me in Wonderland. I sometimes felt like the death of the doctors and scientists was my own way of protecting them too. I rested my head in my hands. So much…to think about…so much in my past and I couldn't even remember everything.

I heard a sharp punch and a yelp from two people. I quickly jerked around before a hand pressed into my left shoulder right at the joint. I yelped in pain and my hand grasped the grip. I then felt pressure on my middle. I opened my eyes to look into violet ones. Violet eyes set above a sadistic smirk.

Midori had one had on my shoulder, the one that has always felt funny. He straddled my waist in the cockpit. His chest was almost touching mine as I grimaced from the pain in my arm. I bucked up and his other hand shot to my right leg at the middle thigh.

I began to pant. I couldn't concentrate strongly enough to figure out what to do. The pain…the pain was too great. It was like each nerve was screaming in agony. Not allowing me to feel any relief.

"What- What are you doing?" he gave an innocent look before it turned malicious. "I was worried", he began "I thought you would revert back to the personality that would have been born from your stay with that spineless teacher", he chuckled "But I was proven wrong. Your memory is still present isn't it? It fumbles along with the dummy memories about if you had fully stayed with your teacher but your true personality, your true memories are present".

"This will make Father very happy". That name rang a strong bell. The memory was almost present but ran away into darkness when I tried to grasp it.

I cringed through his iron fingers gripping into my flesh and vainly grabbed at his wrists to ease up the pain. "So this is the real you. Gee, you're a tad bit on the ugly side!"I goaded through clenched teeth. This stupid suit fit me like a glove and for some reason it had strong material. His fingers did not rip through the suit even though I found feel every edge of his fingernails.

His face contorted into rage as his pupils turned into slits. His face lolled back and I lowered my head slightly as his head careened forward. My move saved me from a nasty broken nose or broken teeth as his forehead collided with mine. I almost saw stars from his attack. He was strong but his anger sensitive.

"Don't call me ugly you disgusting, obnoxious alien!" he yelled into my face "You are so lucky you are a necessary sacrifice for Father or I swear I would have ripped out your tongue with my teeth". His curly black hair began to change to sharp spikes and his face became more angular.

I was worried he would bite his snarling mug was so close. I slightly bit my tongue from the attack but the blood only dissolved in the LCL. My blood bending was useless in solvent. His anger was based on vanity and he has a large ego. I was surprised that it would be this easy to get information out of him Alien, Father and sacrifice. Those words I could only slightly recognize Father but alien and sacrifice were new to me. And his face…at one point in my past I was scared of that face but I can't remember why or how.

I began to hear soft clanks in the background and rapid talking coming from outside the Eva. A voice from a blow horn could be heard below. Nerv personnel were coming. I had to make this quick.

"What do you mean by alien and Father? As you have recently pointed out I don't remember anything", he also began to hear the same from outside and he calmed as his hair and face turned back to normal "How funny you should ask? I'm inviting you over to my house. Come if you want to remember everything", the people outside who very close and I'm sure I could hear machinery "And if you don't come I'll just drag you myself", he ended his growl.

He immediately jumped off of me and landed next to the knocked out boys. His eyes were circular orbs of light in the darkness of the Eva. Eerie, mysterious and ultimately dangerous. The memories were at the cusp of my brain, on the tip of my tongue and it was pure torture that they were not brought forward.

* * *

I sat in the cold locker room awaiting debriefing from Misato. Toji and Kensuke were still knocked out as Nerv dragged them out. I was curious on what Nerv was going to do with them. They were brought into the plug without orders and, as far as I knew, they were not necessarily important. I can easily see my father killing them without any remorse for knowing too much.

I heard the clacking of heels. I did not look up but I heard her voice. "Why did you disobey my orders Shinji", I looked up at her with hard eyes. I though the question was completely stupid. I couldn't just let those two die and the angel would have killed more people and cause more damage if I retreated.

"I couldn't just let them die on the mountain. I'm supposed to protect people in that thing aren't I?" I answered her. My worry about Toji and Kensuke increased. Though I beat the snot out of the jock I can't help but remember that the anger I had at that moment was for people who actually deserved it. Toji is a stupid kid not a guard from the prison.

She closed her eyes and inhaled "I can overlook you allowing those two into the plug but what do you think would have happened if you had not been able to defeat the angel?!"

"Well I did defeat the angel? The angel was already up before I could retreat so I highly doubt I would have had time to get back into Nerv before it started attacking again anyway. I had to kill the angel there and then. No other time would have been appropriate". I countered.

Whatever I said hit a small Nerv "Over-confidence does not cut it, Shinji! I am your Operations Supervisor and you have an obligation to follow my orders. Understand?!"

"It wasn't over-confidence Captain Katsuragi. I knew I wouldn't have enough time to retreat before the angel used those whips. And despite me being a "spare" as my father so lovingly put it I still want to try to help people. And on that note what do I care what you are anyways!" my angered continued over her stuttered retorts.

"You are a part of Nerv which means you are a part of my father's work and his will. If he sees me as a "spare" and as a mere puppet for his controlling then what are you? And if you don't care about me then why should I care about you or your position?!" I was venting and I knew it.

The deep seated anger for my father was never going to go away and I did not trust these people at Nerv. My extreme distrust for his vibrated throughout all of his commandeers and work. The fact that he is even doing a job that is suppose to actually save people is strange to me especially since he does not even want to lift a finger to help his own son.

"I'm only a pilot. A subordinate to you", I finished heaving. Her hand wipped out. I saw it at the corner of my eye and my reflexes took action. I slid down the bench before her hand could hit my cheek. Too many times had a fist been the thing zooming towards my face than a female palm. She seemed angry that she couldn't hit me and probably thought the move was cheeky but I wasn't going to be punished for no reason.

"How dare you? Just what do you think your duty is?"

"My duty in that Eva is to protect the people I care about. My personal duty is to survive and kill whoever judges that I should die thus it goes along with fighting the Eva"

"And my duty to you or to Nerv is nothing. I am in the Eva out of my own personal reasons. I don't need your sense of duty. It is obviously warped if you disagree with protecting people. And do not try to hit me again?!" I ended angrily. I did not take kindly to perfect strangers trying to hit me especially adults. Trying to force their own warped thoughts and authority over others who they think can be manipulated. Just like those in the prison. Taking a person's own body parts without anesthetics to fulfill their own sick fantasies and they could do it because no one was strong enough to stop them.

She gasped. Her eyes were a mixture of confusion, hopelessness and a little fear.

She turned sharply and sighed while pinching the bridge of her nose. "I believe that protecting people is the right thing to do but I…", she paused and seemed to be deep in thought "Just go home okay. Get some rest".

"What's going to happen to Toji and Kensuke?" I could not leave until I asked that question even if there was a chance of her lying to relax me. "Nothing. Their parents work with Nerv and they have probably already been released back home". She walked out of the locker room and I was left to my thoughts.

I had so much bottled up inside of me. So many thoughts and emotions. I really felt the need to talk to someone…anyone. I remember being locked in solitary confinement in my prison cell. I would be there for days without any physical contact. I was so lonely and I just wanted to talk to someone. My hatred and anger just grew more and more for not just the prison authority but for others as well. It was really focused on adults. My dad left me to die, my teacher obviously let me be taken, the prison authority looked upon me like an experiment and here I am at Nerv…where everyone sees me as the "spare".

The anger bubbles inside of me like a swarm of wasps…or are the wasps actually the ones who use to talk to me. They have stopped talking and only leave me with quiet murmurs. I'm doing what they want and they are now satiated. I sometimes wish they would talk. I felt a sense of comfort with learning about their names and what they used to do before second impact.

My other self. The reflection in the mirror. The sadistic personality born from prison isolation is around but doesn't talk. But the creepy thing is that it is not a spirit like the others…no…that is a part of me. A separate part of me that was created from my own limited power and hopelessness. Every time I use my blood powers or think about them. I feel the other side of me. In the past, it seemed so distinct but could it have been my own mind trying to rejoin two personalities?

Then a thought just hit me. I had to leave immediately. Midori, the inhuman thing, that freaking straddled me in the cockpit was around here somewhere. He knew the answers. He was obviously dangerous and was on par with seeing me as a "thing" as much as Nerv but he knew my past life. And he could help me regain my memories…but at what cost. What would he do to me?

I walked out of Nerv my gait slowed. Should I tell Leon? He at least knew half of my memories and I haven't talked with him enough to get the rest.

_"Or I'll drag you there myself"_

The comment made me think. If the creature was really that dangerous then I shouldn't drag Leon into the mess. I don't want him to get hurt or worse. It is my problem anyway.

I walk towards Midori's house. I pushed my fears and overwhelming urge to run away.

* * *

The echo from the knock seemed emptier than normal. The door immediately opened with a smiling Midori "Oh, come on in Shinji!" he said in a naïve, optimistic high school boy voice. I stared at him incredulously and immediately turned the side as I entered and made more space between us. I didn't want to turn my back on him. As soon as he closed the door he returned to his natural form. His hair turned into thick black spikes secured by a band on his fore head. His eyes turned malicious and his pupils turned into slits. His smile turned into a dark grin. His clothes were very strange. The top was like a black cut of tank while the pants was like a skort; a combination of a skirt and short. He wore strange fingerless gloves and toeless socks. When he spoke his voice was quite androgynous and the thing that stuck out most was his tattoo. It was like a snake eating its tale. A strong fear arose from the tattoo that I desperately tried to quell.

"I knew you'd come. Humans are very predictable"

"Well it didn't sound like I had too much of an option considering you were going to drag me here anyway", he shrugged muscular shoulders connected to muscular arms.

"If you'll just follow me", he began walking towards a back door past the kitchen.

"Follow you? Follow you wear?"

"Into the basement", he stated with slight agitation. I stalled for a moment. Nothing good ever came form going into a basement and with him. In the darkness of this house. But he knew? He knew everything. He seems to have known me for a while. I can't help but think that maybe I should have told Leon where I was going.

I took a step forwarded and he immediately turned and opened the door. He let out his hand in a "you first please" gesture. "No you first", I countered. He shrugged again and turned. I followed him. When I hit the door I saw an eerie red light down the stairs.

I was extremely uncomfortable. This light was important. Red and the fact that it was glowing was important. The memories were almost tangible. They pressed against my brain in an effort to break free but there was like a physical barrier against them. I was curious but anxious. I had the feeling that the red light was never connected to anything good.

We walked further and I halted when someone spoke "Oh good. I was worried that I would have to waste another night waiting for you", Midori did not answer so I guess he was talking to me. I could not see him yet. Again the voice wanted to be familiar but my brain would not permit the memory. When the basement fully came into view I froze.

There in the center was a circle. A large circle and within its shape were geometric shapes. Swirls of shapes connected with words that I could not understand. It swam glowing under a sea of red water. A memory that I wanted to be brought to light hung behind the barrier in my mind. I knew this had something to do with alchemy or maybe this was alchemy! But the exact shape and the color gave me great fear.

I looked over and saw a man over to the other side of the room. He looked like a doctor with a long overcoat and glasses. The light reflected off of his glasses so I couldn't see his eyes. He gave me a smile and I saw one gold tooth shining in his mouth.

I was so transfixed that I didn't have to time to react to a large leg coming towards my side.

Midori kicked me through the wooden railing and I landed with a solid thud into the water. I know my arm had to be fractured and some of my ribs were bruised with that kick. I inhaled quickly with a sharp pain and lurched myself forward with a groan. This guy was definitely a freakin' jerk. The water was not deep enough to cause any problems but my clothes were soaked through with the red liquid. I sniffed. It smelled just like blood. My hand landed on something hard and sharp. I quickly looked down and saw a small red stone. I gasped. I had the emotions of surprise and amazement over something that I could not remember. The emotion was supposed to be tied to a memory and my mind naturally reacted even though I could not physically remember it.

"Still not remembering anything? Good" I heard Midori speak as he walked down the stairs. The man walked over to another point in the room still with a creepy smile on his face. "I haven't really used this type of alchemy before nor this type of combination", my head jolted to his direction. I was correct this was alchemy. "This alchemy is mainly from the East and the Oceana while I have much more experience in the west. I don't know how well this will work", Midori shrugged "Do your best doctor? We know he is a good medium".

"What do you mean? What are you doing?" looked around. Other than where Midori and the guy was standing there was no other ledge for me to jump to and besides I had run out of time to think of ideas.

"We are doing two things: We are helping you remember and we are solving a problem", the inhumane voice of the androgynous teenager said. And the doctor placed his hands upon the outside ring of the circle. A light glowed and I cemented to the ground above the center of the circle.

I began to look around and saw black tendrils rise from the ground. It encircled the water. Small red dots appeared from the water and they were taken by the black tendrils in what looked like small orbs. And this is the time when they decided to come back:

_"It's happening. We will be a part of a living being instead of this stone inside of a stomach"._

_"We can finally become one."_

I didn't know what they were talking about but after a few seconds I really did not care. My entire body began to feel strange as I watched the strange black tendrils hold orbs of red dots. I looked at my arms and legs. I began to panic.

They were slowly disintegrating into nothing. "What is this?" I screamed and no one answered. I began to worry if I had be tricked all and I was going to die here. My fear was almost confirmed as my first memory of my distorted past came into view.

In my memory, my arm and leg were disintegrating and I was shocked into a white void with a white being and a grey floating door.

That was the last memory I had before I sunk into another void of white.

* * *

"We can only wait", a authoritative voice spoke over the cell phone.

"Wait…what if they do something to him", Leon answered while rubbing the side of his face. Shinji hadn't returned from school and it was getting late.

"They are not going to do anything to him. They need him healthy and alive to fight off the angels. But they will surely continue with their disrupted plan for him"

"But what of the Undertakers? You know they are crooked. They wanted him and all the rest of us dead. They are surely going to try to kill him now-"

"But after the transformation they will not be able to kill the child. We don't know how a humanized stone will work with the blood of Lillum in terms of treating wounds but the child will certainly not die. That is the whole reason for the Seele's kidnapping him in the first place. And remember that the Undertakers, though deceitful, are not in the position to outwardly attack without being completely annihilated by Seele; they wouldn't take that risk"

"But what about last time?...he is not immortal. He can still die if attacked enough", Leon grabbed for straws.

"Yes that is true but again, he will have more protection; Seele has already provided documents for me to guard the boy and quietly provide an authority inside Nerv. The Undertakers are not skilled in dealing with alchemist thus they will not be able to go near the boy without suspicion. Last time they were close. They were able to catch the boy under the guise that they were following orders but all things will fall into place soon. The angel attacks have already begun".

"True. It is amazing how the division has been able to be hidden for so long without any suspicion from the higher ups"

"Boastfulness and Pride will make anything blind…I will have to be the one to explain this interaction with Nerv and one of the soldiers from my group will pick him up. You will continue being a police officer and keep your head. We do not want you being discovered"

"Of course"

There was confirmation from the other line and the phone went dead. Leon made sure the line had securely ended since it was purposefully scrambled. He would have to throw the phone away tomorrow and use one of the other multiples. Leon stood against the wall of his apartment with the phone in his hand. The moon casted an eerie glow along his face as the phone slipped from his hand.

Again he couldn't protect the child. This was the second time that he was not able to protect or help. He could only wait until the boy was returned to the apartment.

He heard knocks from next door. He already knew who it was as he opened his own door.

The purple haired captain stood down the hall with a mixture of worry and anger. "Come on Shinji open up", she spoke in a whispered tone that the boy wouldn't have heard even if he was home.

"He had not come home", Leon spoke and startled the Captain. She looked at him almost incredulously and then heaved a sigh "Fine. I'll come back in the morning".

The night was long and sleep was restless. Leon and the others from the secret group unknown to Seele had successfully thwarted the last attempt to continue the plan with the child but now things are different.

"Shinji…that's a boring name anyway", Leon spoke outloud as he lay in bed. The boy had lost his birth name and was replaced with a number while in prison. He was no longer called Shinji and his last name Ikari only provided with more scourge from those few who knew of the real background behind second impact. When he was released he was given a new name and later on an entirely new identity.

Those few who knew and wanted him in as much pain as humanely possible were called Undertakers. They were the guards to fight against an uprising by the Deadmen. They were made up of society's worse offenders and were deemed unable to be rehabilitated into society. There true motives are hidden under their insanity and their power keeps them employed by Seele. For some reason they banded together to hate all Deadmen and those involved in second impact. They had a leader but even I didn't know who it was.

But now…now the boy is Shinji Ikari, he pilots for Nerv and thus is under the thumb of Seele. He is in a position of power but his true protectors are in a position of weakness. Leon cannot help in during times such as these but he can simply hope things come out well in the end.

* * *

Misato returned about 50 minutes before school began and knocked again. She was beginning to feel the tinges of guilt from the confrontation. She regretted trying to hit him and her ability to keep her emotions in check. The door did not open.

A door opened down the hall and out stepped Leon in his crisp policeman uniform. He walked towards her with a solemn face and spoke monotonely "He has not returned", Misato shook her head "He ran away…coward". Leon stopped in mid stride and kept walking with newly clenched fist.

Misato hugged herself. She had lost her ward without any knowledge of where he might go. She had to report this to Ritsuko.

* * *

"What?! Shinji's been missing since yesterday?!" Ritsuko shrieked as she quickly turned in her swivel chair to face Misato.

"I wanted to give him some space and I thought he'd go straight home after the battle to get some rest but I never dreamed he'd run away"

"And you call yourself his overseer?"

"Don't talk like that…", Misato couldn't help the hurt in her voice. She had hoped that maybe she could be more of a parental figure to Shinji since, according to his files; he hasn't really had a parent. But every day she questions her resolve. The boy was so distant, angry and distrustful. She didn't know how to get through to him especially since he had such an abrasive attitude against anyone in authority. She also couldn't help the guilt. _"If I had been a little more understanding with him"_, she thought quietly

"We don't have much choice, we have to report this."

"Wait! He still might…" Misato tried to counter and her little hope for a strange family teetered into impossibility.

"If something happens, it'll be too late. Or are you saying that you'll look for him yourself?" Ritsuko countered.

"How? I have no idea…where he would go", though Section 2 provided reports about Shinji's whereabouts she did not really know about his social life. He rarely hung out with people and the few he did hang out with were not reported due to low chance of danger. There was one kid who was around him a lot but he was deemed a normal student with little outside interaction with the third child and thus not a suspect.

* * *

Memories rushed forward. They overlapped with others and some stood out in an effort to re-flood my brain with necessary information.

_ "Do you envy my life? Well lucky you because you are important to Father and thus will be healed", I heard the androgynous and cynical voice reply as I was hoisted over his shoulder. My gunshot wound was specifically aching after that. My blood bending, though casted as a sin or abomination, coagulated around the wound preventing the normal oozing of blood that should be expected. I couldn't keep conscious-_

_-conscious, a doctor with a gold tooth and square glasses was leaning over me with a red stone. In a flash of bright light I could immediately breathe better and as I touched my stomach my wound had mysteriously vanished-_

_-Vanished as I stood in the cold cell. No one was around and I could hear no human voices like they had all disappeared. I knew nothing of the outside. But I heard growls and snarls…inhuman monsters…they were more restless than usual and then that's when I heard a large explosion-_

_-explosion from my hand! I had finally used my first ever made transmutation circle! All these years and I can finally fight! But now- _

_-but now I have found you and that is all that matters", Leon spoke. It was dark outside and the riots around the prison could be heard in the background. We walked towards the darkened allies to blend in with the decrepit surroundings of the city lost to second impact-_

_-impact of the loss that I had tried so hard to extinguish swelled like a volcanic eruption. If I just had her back, then my dad might come back. If I just had her back then everything would be better. Besides I have always been told that I killed her so maybe I exchange something in replace for her. I am healthy and have two arms, two legs and can bend blood. I can bring her back! I can fight for her. _

_I hurried to make the circle with tear blurred eyes before Leon could find me and make me stop. Besides I didn't know what would happen to him if he were to come in during the transmutation. I had everything stolen from the chemist shops that had long been abandoned during the wars of the country. I provided a drop of blood and placed my hands on the full circle to begin. For a minute my mind was full of hope that I would finally get to see her again. It was like I had survived all the time in the prison just for the moment to say sorry to her. _

_But then the room turned dark and things began to break. I felt something funny happening to my leg and arm I looked-_

_-looked at a large grey floating door that held something that looked like a tree. This wasn't supposed to happen. I was suppose to see-_

_-seeing the knowledge requires a payment", the white humanoid spoke" Surely you didn't think you could get away-_

_-away as I crawled towards the book from my satchel. The chimera was busy fighting with some guy with swords. Damn Undertakers! I flipped open the page to the stone and did the first thing that came to mind. I swallowed it whole and ignored the cry behind-_

_-behind the cloth I couldn't see anything. I could see a bright light, I was in a calm state until I felt something burn on my arm and leg. I lurched forward-_

-Lurched forward back into reality. The memories came but I was not in a memory. The ceiling was completely different from the Nerv hospital and from my own apartment. My head was killing me. With each influx of memories my brain filtered through the important and unimportant causing a thumb of pain. I had a cold sweat and the sheets stuck to my wet skin. I automatically knew that I didn't have any shirts of pants. I could feel underwear this time though. At least they were better than Nerv in that aspect. The memories from the night before came flooding back along with other memories. It was almost too much.

I pushed myself up but immediately fell to the side of the bed onto…a stump. I looked down and my left arm was replaced with a stump. Of course now I could remember as clear as day that my left arm has been missing for quite some time. I felt the expected stump on my leg.

I grimaced at the memory. I had tried to catch the sun and was burned. There is no price to one life and thus it cannot be exchanged.

I touched my stump gingerly. My fingers touched cold metal. Memories flooded from the ones who first remodeled my arm into something useful…another chance to fight. But of course the people are not here in its place are these creatures. Midori, my captor, was also called Envy. He is…not human and for the most part immortal. I have yet to fully understand what he is but his tattoo means something. I was close to figuring that out before I lost my memories.

I cringed. I wasn't ready to remember those last memories yet despite my brain's filtering.

The door opened and…speak of the devil. The creature came in with his normal form. "Hello sleeping beauty", it greeted sarcastically "you must eat", and with that he sat down a plate of eggs, toast and bacon with a glass of orange juice. I looked at it then back at him. Surely he did not expect me to eat that after what he has just done and I didn't even know where he got the food from. He looked at me and with an exaggerated groan "If you were truly unnecessary I would have killed you way before now". He stood there with his arms crossed. I guess he had to make sure I ate or something. My stomach growled so I gave up this fight and ate.

"You will be getting picked up soon so eat quickly"

In mid chew I remember something. Everything was silent. I don't know what they did last night and the last I remember of the voices is that they wanted whatever last night was to happen "I can't hear them", whispered accidently. As if reading my mind he spoke and brought me out of my thoughts "Lillum for some reason find great comfort when they are together and within their primordial soup. But for humans or at least what I was made after, the Progenitors, they despise being _one _actually their whole existence is based on the fact that they were never suppose to be one. So with each conjoining of the Progenitors they wail and moan. To a somewhat extent so do the Lillum when in stone form but…when added to the soup that created them they are compliant". I could barely remember the whole Progentior vs. Lillum story but I couldn't completely worry about them now. Something else was bothering me now.

"What did you do to me last night?" I finally asked.

* * *

Toji Suzuhara sat upon the window seal of the school window looking out over the horizon. He could not remember what happened in the last moments inside of the Eva nor could Kensuke. The latter though was less worried. Toji and Kensuke awoke in the infirmary in the Nerv facility and were quickly escorted to their respected parents who provided a strong tongue lashing along with proper punishment for their involvement. For some reason Midori was not taken with them. Toji didn't think much of the boy though. Even Kensuke didn't have information on him. But Toji still wondered about Shinji Ikari. "Did he get into trouble?" he thought and "Was he alright after the battle", he kept rethinking the same questions. The pilot did save his life and all.

"I wonder… how d'ya think he's doin'?" the boy said out loud.

"Who?" replied Kensuke.

"Who ya think? The new kid. He ain't been ta school since da fight. I was just wonderin' where he is"

"What, are you worried about him?"

"Who said I'm worried about 'im?! I was just wonderin' where he is dat's all"

* * *

An armored car was taken to the central of Nerv headquarters where the giant pyramid stood. Gendo Ikari sat at a conference table inside of his office waiting for the emergency conference. Fuyutsuki stood beside him with a back ramrod straight. He has simply received information that he needed to attend an important meeting with a division a part of Seele. They were called the Calvary. He has never heard of them before. Gendo thought the name sounded quite presumptuous but it was not his place to voice such an opinion.

He felt uneasy about the conference despite his cool demeanor. Seele has never sent anyone to talk with his personally. Even in the earlier days it was always phone calls or faceless video conferences. Never did he personally see anyone from Seele. But here is this division coming. He didn't know if it was an act of bravado from Seele to remind him who was boss or something more sinister. His spineless son decided to run away again and Section 2 could not find him. He wondered if Seele had sent a spy to snoop through certain files but he could not understand the reason. And on top of that Shinji's teacher has mysteriously disappeared. His files and social security number had been erased from history…like he never existed.

Yes this was all very strange.

A Nerv employee opened the door with a slight bow and allowed the Calvary members to come through.

The first was an extremely tall man with a small tuff of light blond hair in the front of his forehead. He had a thick light blond mustache. His eyebrows were heavy. He was very well built. He stood to the side in proper military stance. The uniform he wore was completely different from normal Nerv or Seele uniform. The top was black, single breasted with about 9 buttons. The seam of the jacket could not be seen and was covered by the right side of the jacket. The color was similar to the Japanese school uniforms. The pants were black slacks that ended in well shined black shoes. . All of the details, buttons and such were made with silver. He was a Major.

The next man was shorter but not by much. He had thick black hair and a deep black mustache. Some tendrils of hair left and floating freely indicating that maybe his hair was slicked back in some parts. He came in with a pleasant smile and looked to be quite older than the Major. His face though friendly appeared like it could harden considerably. The sharp edges of his nose and the structure of his eyes indicated a sense of ruthlessness. He had a strong air of authority and exuded that he was not a force to be reckon with despite his friendly demeanor. His stars stated that he was the Commander.

"Commander Gendo Ikari", stated with a low bow "Please do not be alarmed by this personal visit. We tried to dress casually to not cause agitation", he chuckled slightly. Gendo lowered his hands. The men could easily read his facial expressions that he had schooled so well to be poker faces.

"Of course", Gendo stood and equally bowed "This visit is a surprise but I am not alarmed. Please sit Mr…"

"Oh, my manners, I'm so sorry. My name is Commander James Bradley. I command the Calvary division under Seele"

"Ah yes, I'm sorry I have never really heard of the division"

"It has never really been fully made public", the dark haired man chuckled while taking a seat. The Major stood to the back of the room in silence.

"Well, how may I help you Commander Bradley"

"Commander Ikari, we present with some important and necessary information we need to tell you about your son".

* * *

Well that is the end of this chapter. I will try to update sooner and I hope you like this chapter. It is the beginning of the explanation for the major plot. There are many clues and introductions. I liked that about FMA though. I didn't really know who the bad guy was or what the plot really was about until roughly the middle to end of the story. I had to keep guessing and that is what I hope to do with this story without completely confusing you guys of course. Please review :D


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